Sexual dreams usually express hidden desires; the way we would like to express sexually, or problems in this area. Although sex is symbolised in many dreams, where it appears directly it shows that the dreamer is able to more easily accept their sexual urges and hurts. What is then important is to attempt an understanding of what setting or drama the sexual element occur in. Our psychological and sexual nature, like our physical, never stand still in development unless a pain or problem freeze them at a particular level of maturity. Therefore, our sexual dreams, even if our sex life is satisfactory, show us what growth, what new challenge, is being met.

Whenever a healthy man dreams, he experiences an erection, no matter what the subject of the dream. Women also experience such stimulus while dreaming.

While dreaming you can safely allow any form of sexual pleasure you desire. Don’t let the useful morals of waking life intrude into your dreams. If your sexual dreams are frustrating, or do not lead to deep pleasure, drop the fears and limiting attitudes that are blocking the full flow of your excitement and pleasure.

Your longing for sexual partners that isn’t openly expressed, will attempt to become real in your dreams. It doesn’t mean that you are dissatisfied with your present partner if you have sex with other people in your dreams. All of us have such secret longings, and it is healthy for them to be allowed as we sleep. What it usually suggests is that you are exploring other experiences or dimensions of sex that you can then bring into your waking relationship.

Sometimes sexual pleasure is depicted in dreams as a tidal wave, or a snake, or something you may be resisting. This is because full sexual bliss floods the whole body, releasing tensions, bringing peace and a healing action physically and psychologically. To achieve this, learn to let go of rigid self control and be ready to feel your emotions.

Enjoying sexual pleasure with an animal, such as being kissed or licked by a cat, is the way dreams describe your own sexual urges at their most uncomplicated and basic level. It doesn’t mean you are weird. In such dreams you are dropping the complicated social rules that usually direct how you express yourself.

The energy behind the sexual drive is enormously important. It can flow in many different ways. It not only expresses as genital sex, but also in caring for others. If it is blocked illness can result. Your dreams show in detail just how you are dealing with this most important area of your life, and what is standing in the way of satisfaction and health. Do not accept the ready made formulas of popular sexual norms. Your dreams will show your own intimate and unique needs. Remember your dreams and be enriched by them.

Having sex with friends sister or brother is a normal way of exploring what it would be like to have sex with them. But it doesn’t mean you should act on it. In dreams you are free of all the difficulties attached to having sex physically, so it is harmless in dreams, but can cause many difficulties physically and socially.

Example: Laughing and happy, the flow of pleasure to E, leading to a kiss. The deep internal pleasure of kissing gradually widened until it led to genital feeling. I realised so many things as this lovely gentle growth of feeling and flowing occurred. I realised that I and most teenagers have too much technical sex instruction, so it is portrayed as an erect penis entering the vagina. But I was seeing it wasn’t like that at all. First of all came the gradual relationship with E. As that deepened it led to touching, being happy together and kissing. The kiss, oral pleasure, was our first area of loving with our mother. From that original centre of pleasure, it grows into anal and genital pleasure. This was what was happening. Then gently the body began to move. But there was still no erection. The movement was the forerunner of the inner pleasurable urge to thrust and penetrate. So there was a slow and internal growth through escalating feelings, and not an outwardly ordained set of movements that led to “sex”!


-Edward Grainger 2017-07-30 16:00:00

In waking life I am in therapy for sexual abuse when I was younger. The other night I had a dream I was looking at myself in the mirror when my mirror reflection said i love you here i will show you. I watched as he ( myself) started giving me oral sex, taking myself all the way down. As i was having orgasim in mouth i started getting sucked all the way in untill my body was gone. My reflection stood up and look back at the mirror and said see I told you I love you

-Ed 2017-07-12 20:37:33

In my dream I’m nude standing in front of a mirror admiring myself because of really long penis. I see myself go down on to knees and start given myself oral. It feels good, I close my eyes enjoying the sensation. Suddenly it feels warmer and wetter I open my eyes and look down and I see my mother instead of me. I place my hands on her head to pull her away when she grabs my hips so I can’t get away she takes me all the way down her throat repeatedly until I have an orgasm. I wake up Suddenly as if I had a nightmare and was highly aroused

-Syl 2016-07-19 8:45:59

Hi Tony!

So I’ve had a couple of sexual dreams but havent really thought much about it as they were never anything more than a kiss or a touch. But recently I dreamt that I was naked with another older man in a strange bed, and I’m totally lost in the moment making out with this man. And suddenly he pushes me away and tells me excitedly how he was going to take my virginity away. Thats when i come to my senses and process what he’s saying. At this point my view point is sort of outside my body and im looking down at me and the man legs tangeled in bed. He grins proudly telling me how i wasnt going to be a virgin anymore after he was done. I think frantically if i can stop this but then a small part of me says go ahead. Suddenly i feel him trying to penetrate me. All feelings of lust vanish at this point but i think its okay others have done this so can i so i just lay still. But thats when the pain hits and i start pushing myself away before he could press in any further. But he wraps his hands around me and trys to penetrate again but i push away harder and this time he lets go and looks at me confused. I back away and grab some clothes and run out of the trailer muttering sorries. And my viewpoint goes back to from my body’s perspective. And then I’m walking back to my trailer of sorts and this other man whom i recoginise as an actor i like a lot from this show i watch approaches me and grabs me and i see flashes of his private parts but when i blink he’s just standing there fully clothed, smiling. I just smile turn away.

The strange thing about this whole thing is that the sensations were so real. I mean i am a virgin and i have thought abt sex but i’ve never even touched myself down there like never. So how would i know what it would feel like? I woke up feeling the sensation down there. I dont get how its possible or what my subconciousness is trying to tell me. Does this mean im not gonna be open to sex in the future? Or is this just something totally random? Please help i was really taken aback by this dream never experienced something so intimate and invasive…:/

-Shay 2016-07-11 7:30:49

I have a recurring dream that I am, essentially, begging my partner for sex and he refuses me. I’ll try my damndest to seduce him, even put myself on him, I’ll get things started and he just stops and has somewhere else to be. Leaving me too hot and bothered to survive. I usually satisfy myself at that point, and on several occasions have had friends from either gender, step in and help (still in the dream) This is so, very much, not the case in real life, he wants sex more than I do and satisfies me well 98% of the time, if anything I turn him down. But the recurrence is frustrating me… what is the hidden meaning? What is my subconscious telling me?

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-07-14 8:34:11

    Dear Shay – I believe that your dream recurs, because there is something you have to learn.
    In general dreams recur because there are ways the dreamer habitually responds to their internal or external world. Because their attitude or response is unchanging, the dream that reflects it remains the same. It is noticeable in those who explore their dreams using such techniques as described under that recurring themes disappear or change because the attitudes or habitual anxieties that gave rise to them have been met or transformed.
    It would be interesting to explore what your dream figure thinks and feels when your partner is not in the mood for sex and why your dream figure perceives that as “he refuses ME”;
    Could it be that you take his “no” personally?
    Why can’t your dream figure accept his “No, I am not in the mood for sex”?
    You could use your active imagination while you are awake to experiment with a different approach in your dream; like what arises when you would choose to accept that your partner is not in the mood?
    You could use your observer to explore your intense feelings in the dream when your partner does not respond to your needs; “Leaving me too hot and bothered to survive.”
    See also
    Anna 🙂

-... 2016-05-15 13:53:20

So Im 14year old girl and i have been having these dreams about having sex with my 15 year old cousin some people tell me its just something i’ll grow out of and I keep trying to but it doesn’t work. Everytime we see each other we flirt like no other people are around and I even told him about this problem and he told me the same thing is happening to him.. each day I become more and more attracted to him and I think I’m in love with him, some people say that I’m a “kid” and I don’t know what love is but, I do know what love is and we are in love.. we just don’t know how to tell out parents because we want them to accept us and we want to be treating the same..

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-05-19 10:31:25

    Dear … – A cousin may be an easy way to try out sex or love with in your dreams and perhaps also in your waking life. This is because you may have shared a lot of time with him, he is family and you feel easy with him.
    Also dreams often stand in place of actual experience. So through dreams you may experiment with new experience or practice things you have not yet done externally. For instance many young women dream in detail of giving birth. This function of what might be called ‘imagination’ is tremendously undervalued, but is a foundation upon which human survival is built.
    So your dreams about having sex with someone you feel close to have a wonderful value for you.
    These dreams also express your inner growth process;
    Anna 🙂

-Mike 2016-02-23 1:02:57

I’m unsure why, but for nearly three years I’ve had this very sexual dream about me and my younger half sister. It’s not something that I’ve ever thought of before, but this dream was so powerful, and unbelievably arousing, by how we both felt and expressed ourselves in it, it’s left me unable to ignore the strong sexual urges I now feel in her presence. I’m not sure why this has happened but this dream was far more intense, and sexual than any other real life experience I can remember, and that alone has left me in search of an answer, as to how I can experience this feeling in real life. I’m not saying I want to have sex with my half sister, but I cannot lie, if she were to ever express the slightest bit of sexual desire towards me, I’m unsure If I could resist her or not. I mean this dream alone has awoken this sexual being inside of me that thus far has only been fullfilled by her, in this dream. I have this dream at least two or three times a month, sometimes more, and once I remember having it several times in one week. The dream used to be the same each time, but recently it has changed, involving us both in various sexual acts that I always awake from gasping for air, trying to make since of what happened. I know it sounds aweful and i hate the fact this continues to happen, but I honestly did not ever think of her in such a way until this began, and it’s very disturbing, seeing her in a way that feels so real, yet so wrong..

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-02-25 13:17:56

    Dear Mike – You wrote “I mean this dream alone has awoken this sexual being inside of me that thus far has only been fulfilled by her, in this dream.” Do realise that it is very likely “only” in your dream life where you will be fulfilled by her the way you are?
    “How I can experience this feeling in real life” may be the right question to ask and I would leave the door open to any answer that arises from whatever level.
    Questions that arise when I read about your dreams and the way you respond to these dreams are;
    How can I move beyond my “right and wrong” thinking as far as my INNER world is concerned?
    How would I describe my “being fulfilled” in my dreams?
    Do I believe that in my waking life sex with my half-sister is the only way to achieve this feeling;
    Could my dreams be so called “compensating dreams” because I perceive my outer life as not fulfilling?
    Am I aware that I have an inner female;
    Are my dreams an indication of the wonderful potential I have to feel fulfilled in my waking life?
    How can I learn to express my potential in a satisfying way?
    Do I want to manifest“being fulfilled” on a sexual level only?
    Anna 🙂

-Alex 2016-02-01 4:10:21

I had a dream that I was in a relationship with my father and he would buy me lingire and we planned to have sex, until he said he couldn’t and he refused I was so upset and wanted to so badly. Please tell me what this means, my father and I don’t have a good relationship and my boyfriend and I are long distance right and going through a rough patch. Please help this dream really grossed me out.

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-02-04 15:14:51

    Dear Alex – Your dream may refer to the desires we carry from infancy to possess or be in control of the love and body of our parents. As a baby we have a sense that nothing exists outside of ourselves – therefore everything should obey our desires. That it does not – that parents (and boyfriends) do other than we need of them is a shock that is a part of maturing.
    See also
    Our infant emotions, uncensored by social rules and self-consciousness, are enormously powerful, and wherever unsatisfied or unresolved are stored unconsciously. If we are to integrate the potential energy locked in these areas, we must meet some of the incestuous desires (like wanting to be in control of the love and body of our parent/partner) and transform them into adult love.
    A way to transform your inner world is to practice becoming aware of your emotional age(s) and the desires/needs/wants that come with that age.
    Observing your thoughts and feelings, your habits and responses is one of the most powerful of tools to use in transforming your life. This also leads to a fuller connection with your intuitive connection with your core; and
    Anna 🙂

-dan 2015-11-02 18:39:09

Hi Tony,

I have an odd question.

I’m not religious or tied to any religious rules. There is a person (female) whom I have been attracted to for a few years and have never really had the courage to tell her or ask her out. I have always dreamt of her but only in a romantic fashion. But recently the dreams have altered and become highly and graphically sexualized. It is to the pleasure of both parties in the dream myself and her, no violence or abuse, but I am curious as to why the sudden and vivid change.

Also I am not sure if this is relevant, but I have suffered sporadic attacks of sleep paralysis since I was a child and am prone to lucidity in my dreams, hence me being able to recall them with ease.


Look forward to your thoughts


-ariel 2015-10-02 17:36:50

my dream tonight was different. I was trying to have sex with an old lover that I know I have an undying infatuation for. Unfortunately in the dream I cant remember when he was penetrating me but I knee he was because he said it was my turn. I tried to ride like a cowgirl but his penis wouldn’t slide in. I tried to relax and breathe deep but I couldn’t get him in me. Then the dream went to a different deminsion. Can you please explain this please.
Usually my sex dreams are simple and pleasureable.

Thank you: ]

-Cute 2015-07-03 1:10:21

Im in a relationship and i dreamt of kissing with my bf’s cuzn it was kissing and some intimate feeling. The guy always flirts with me in real life but the joking kind of way is he really into me or just playing can dream tell us the real desires of the guy ??

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-07-05 12:54:59

    Dear Cute – I believe you better focus on what it is that YOU want; what are your real desires?
    It can happen that when you are uncertain about your own desires or repressing them, that you are more likely to project them on “the other” and perceive your own desires as part of him in your dream, rather than as part of you (too).
    This then leads to questions like “is he really into me or just playing can dream tell us the real desires of the guy ??”
    See also
    Anna 🙂

-Anon 2015-05-31 20:34:08

Dear Tony,
Typically I never have any sexual dreams, for some reason I just don’t. I’d guess it would have to do with being a hold at heart and being Christian so I’m not allowed to have sex or do anything sexual until marriage. Going on, last night I had this crazy, sex dream. My friend brought me to what seemed to be a whore house. Walked me into this man’s room, and left. I told the man that I was ready, but he refused to have sex with me on the premise that I wasn’t ready for sex. So instead he fingered me, in the beginning to near the end he would use more than two fingers and it would hurt but I never said a word about it and allowed him to continue. He was rough with me, but allowed it. I wasn’t enjoying it in the least. Eventually he used only two fingers and that’s when I actually thought it felt nice. He was kissing me, and doing that. When he was done, I left. It was night time. The next morning I was missing him, and my family found out where I was the previous night and were disappointed in me. I remember thinking “see this is what I get for fooling around, he’s scum and I know it, but of course I miss him and wish he’d contact me.”
In the end of the dream, he tried talking to me but I snubbed him and walked away. What does this all mean?

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-06-02 5:54:25

    Dear Anon – Every image and person in your dreams is an expression of your own life process. As such it is alive and intelligent and is something sent to help you. A dream is like a projection from a movie projector, except that you are the projector.
    Everything you see as outside you is coming from you, your emotions, your fears, your beliefs, your joys and explorations are all you, clothed in the dream images and drama.
    The reason why the man says you are not ready I see symbolised in this attitude “He was rough with me, but allowed it. I wasn’t enjoying it in the least”.
    Since this man is an aspect of your inner world I wonder if it means that your sexual attitude is hurtful to you in some way.
    Also you wrote “When he was done, I left”. Was this part of your dream satisfying to you in any way?
    The last part of your dream shows the enormous inner conflict you are dealing with.
    I feel it will be helpful to explore this dream for yourself while using Power Dreaming;
    Please also read
    Good Luck!
    Anna 🙂

-Oana 2014-12-04 23:59:45


I have been having erotic dreams of my father since adolescence. The dreams are elaborate, long and highly arousing and end with intense and multiple orgasms. The dreams are often of me seducing my father and my father willingly being seduced or of my father and I having passionate sex. The context of these dreams is that my mother is looking on and we are ignoring her or she is preventing us from being happy and having sex together and being in love with each other. Needless to say, the dreams are disturbing when I wake up and I feel really bad about them.

I don’t understand why I would have continual, detailed dreams like these since I was never abused by my father and obviously not attracted to him in real life. I have a satisfying relationship with my husband of 5+ years and my dad and I get along as well as can be in real life.

I can’t seem to find any explanation that satisfying or give a clue as to why my subconscious keeps having these dreams.


    -Tony Crisp 2014-12-11 9:11:08

    Oana – You do not need to have been sexually assaulted to have sexual dreams about your father. Your present personality grew from a tiny baby that had no sense of right or wrong. We tend to judge our dreams from our present limited view of who we are. Remember that as you grew in our mother womb you developed through the levels of evolution. At one time we were like a fish with gills, and so within us are all levels of our past that is closed to our waking mind, but is there within our Global Mind. So we have within us all animals – no wonder we dream of strange things.

    To develop to the point of your mature sexual behaviour you passed through many levels of development. See and

    As you will see from reading the above our present personality is simply a recent addition to a very ancient being that has most of its development locked in the unconscious. It might be worth using because as your dream suggests your inner feelings about your mother are preventing us from being happy and having sex together and being in love with each other. All young childhood feelings.


-anonymous 2014-10-17 3:53:04

im 25 y/o male and I stay with my brother and his wife,lately I been having a sequel of dreams where I have passionate kinda sex with my brother’s wife.
i can not stop thinking about it, please help

-Brian 2014-06-24 7:50:10

I had a dream about a girl younger than me and we liked each other so started going up stairs but we didn’t want anyone knowing, while going up the stairs I took her hand (that felt so real) she was behind me , then her younger sister seen us and was giggling about it so when we got to the room the girl didn’t come in incase the sister told on us! And I pretended to clean the room!

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