Going Beyond

While I was watching an episode of Star Trek – Enterprise, I had a powerful emotional reaction to it, one of wonder, curiosity and excitement. I cried out, “What the fuck does it all mean?” and I felt my question was being answered. This was followed by a sense that I had entered a different state of mind or awareness.

The first experience was as if a voice was talking to me, but it wasn’t just words, but was an understanding about what I was told. To start with saying, “Tony, when you were young you went Beyond.” I understood this to mean when I was about nine or ten I had a surgical operation on my nose. I was given an anal anaesthetic and during it I fought the nurses because it felt as if I were dying.

In the present experience, I was told I had experienced death and the experience was so vast but never remembered at the time, but had influenced my life extraordinarily. I had not died physically, but even so I had experienced death and went beyond the normal view of life. The going beyond was still working in my life, and so I was told the following:

It was that in a few years’ time – this took place on March 2017 – , the world situation would worsen, a chaotic situation would occur. I was warned that it was good if we would be living in rural surroundings because it would not be so bad in social situations, but even so it would be wise to protect ourselves.

I remembered some of what happened to me, because the nurses never explained what they were doing to me, and because the operation was on my nose they tried to use an anal anaesthesia. The result was I fought like hell and kicked whatever the nurse was using to pour into me, out of her hands. The operation took place about 1947. Here is something I entered into my journal in 1975 after I had used LifeStream.

The main theme is clear and strong. It was all to do with the rectal anesthetic. I started by cursing at the nurses, and releasing feelings never touched in the reliving of the event. I didn’t like women. I don’t like women. The feelings were there because it was not explained to me what was going to happen about the rectal anesthetic, so I fought and kicked the equipment away from me. The nurse simply came back with other nurses who held me down and gave me the anesthetic. So, it felt like I was being attacked and being killed by a group of women despite my pleading for them not to.

As all this came up masses of realisations poured out. I saw that because the nurses had attacked me, I had hated and feared women. After all, several of them apparently attacked me in order to kill me. I felt that way because as I went under the anesthetic, it felt to me that I was dying and experiencing death, along with a state of consciousness in which I felt to be God. It hit me powerfully that from there on I started reading and being fascinated by books, first on science fiction, then on death, rebirth and God. I was about nine at the time of the anesthetic. All my life I have been trying to understand how I was God. This session had in fact started with many exclamations of, “I am God.”

Now it developed further. “Don’t do that. Dirty boy. You dirty boy.” I was amazed as this came up. I felt sure one of the nurses had said this as I fought and kicked the anesthetic from her hands. So, I had been hypnotised into not fighting for my life, and being a “dirty boy”. The session finished here, so I didn’t get into seeing how this had hypnotised me, and influenced me.

Later still, using LifeStream I saw why the ‘Going Beyond’ was wiped from my awareness. It was because the mixture if meeting death and the fear of the nurses pushing me into death had caused terror in me, terror I couldn’t deal with as a child.

Also in a session of LifeStream – I knew this referred to when I had the rectal anesthetic. I had already relived the actual event, now the anger and bitterness was emerging. There was some shouting and body tensing. It also seemed to connect with the anesthetic in hospital and I recognised a connection with the recent hospital dream.  I understood that the transference of libido or life energy from mouth to anus was okay, but it couldn’t properly transfer to my penis because it was broken. Then, added to that, my rectum was raped with the enema and broken. So, there was a real messing up all around. No wonder I have a pain in my arse recently after intercourse.

I then started shouting out, “Fire. Fire. Death up my arsehole. I’m dying. Fire. I am God.”

The session ended here, so this part did not clarify. But as far as I understood it, I was going into the consciousness of anaesthetic. The anaesthetic felt like fire up my rectum. Also I felt as if I were blowing up like a balloon that would burst. I was terrified I was being attacked and killed. I was dying. Perhaps I reached the state of consciousness in which I felt I was God. So, God, death, fire, attack, were all associated with my rectum. Maybe also the idea God raped me?  

 A Whole New Way

This means going beyond the usual limitations of the body and its senses. But it is also ways of going beyond your habits of reactions, moving beyond the habitual thought directions you take, and the ways we get stuck in life.

Another description is Altered States of Consciousness. It is also often linked with Out of body Experiences Near Death Experiences and Opening to Life

. But I want to show how it can be provoked by normal life experiences.

If you can understand that this type of going beyond is just as life changing as near death experiences, it opens a whole new way of seeing the way forward for children and adults.

Most of us only know life through the limitations of our body senses, and through the things we had be brought up to believe. We probably believe we ARE the shape of our body, and we can only do what it can do. However, as can be seen from the lives of some of the people who have extended their awareness, our mind can sometimes reach completely beyond the body senses. When we first find the narrow walls of our senses disappearing, most of us feel some panic, and may fear we are dying. Some people during an anesthetic feel this fear or experience of going beyond.

I feel that children are often misinterpreted as being over imaginative or fanciful because they often have already gone beyond without any unusual experiences being the cause. I have seen this in at least two of my children.

A good example is when my son Neal was young. I was standing in the kitchen leaning against the cooking range to keep warm, and thought I needed to get my shoes that were in another room where Neal was. I thought of shouting to him but thought it was too complicated for him to understand. Then a few moments later Neal walked in carrying my shoes.

At another time, I was driving my car on a cold morning taking my children to school. I couldn’t see out of the back window, it was prior to having heater strips in car windows. I thought of asking Neal to wipe it, but felt he didn’t have anything to wipe with. A moment later I checked mirror and saw Neal was wiping the window with his hand.

One more – My son Leon told me when he was about ten, that he was going to earn a lot of money, and he was going to use it to purchase a large piece of land and keep animals on it. Forty years later this has all come about.

The thing is that we should never criticise our children for telling us such things. Even if they do not come about, children’s imagination is a powerful and useful thing to have. See Hallucinations and Hallucinogens

Can We Learn from It?

I personally do not have a collection of other cases to support my claim. My claim is that we are all the time only a hairbreadth away from experience our own hugeness. The example I gave of Neal shows that we are actually in a situation of sharing our awareness without any great stimulating circumstances. Our mind may be part of the hugeness and we only shut it out because of our training to avoid it – but we have to remember that having a personality with self-awareness is a very new thing and has only existed for a short time. Before that we were like animals that lived only in the Life Will – what we usually call instincts. So, the development of self-awareness was an immense step, and left us very vulnerable, and still does. See Criticism

Many people as their awareness reaches beyond what they feel is their normal self feel scared. Such resistances cause us to create awful dreams and fears as a means of avoiding our own inner world and its wonders. We feel that we will be swallowed up and we will die. It is important to say that when we meet the experience of powerlessness through becoming aware of the hugeness of your Life, which we are usually unaware if, it feels like something alien or attacking us, and it is a shock.

 Science Sees It Similarly

Kevin Nelson, a neurophysiologist at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, says NDEs may be little more than dream-like states brought on by stress and a predisposition to a common kind of sleep experience.

Sometimes fainting can be enough to trigger NDE-like sensations. Nelson says that that’s because despite the name, NDE has little to do with actually being close to death. He argues that the experience stems from an acute bout of “REM intrusion” – a glitch in the brain’s circuitry that, in times of extreme stress, may flip it into a mixed state of awareness where it is both in REM sleep and partially awake at the same time. “The concept that our brain is either 100 per cent awake or 100 per cent in REM sleep is absolutely erroneous,” says “Mark Mahowald, a neurologist at the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center in Minneapolis. “We can have pieces of one state intruding into another, and that’s when things get interesting.”

To put that into simple language, REM sleep means we are experiencing dreams. So, they are saying that our sleep process can occur while we fully awake, and people usually call that hallucinations. But it is simply our huge mind appearing, and it is just like dreaming. The voices heard, people seen, smells smelt, while dreaming, although appearing to be outside of us as in waking dreaming (hallucinations) are no more exterior than the things and images of our dreams. With this information one can understand that much classed as psychic phenomena and religious experience is an encounter with the dream process. That does not, of course, deny its importance.” See Waking Lucid Dreaming

As explained above, the dream process can also produce movements and sounds while asleep or awake. But it is not usually realised that the whole phenomena of dreaming can occur while awake and you are in a receptive state of mind. Any visions, voices heard or hallucinations are all the product of the dream process breaking through the barrier that usually only allows such things while asleep. If you have had such an experience you will see, if you think about it, that as with dreams, images, people, voices appear as if outside you. That is exactly the work of dreams, which project a whole dream, its drama and characters, onto the screen of our mind.

Example: For a while I drew nearer the awareness of ‘God’. I wanted to be able to have a clear view of what this experience was and how to describe it. It seemed to me that there was no great astral, ethereal being we call God. In my awareness I sensed that there was something connected with the living bodies and minds of all things. It was something like music in the sense that out of the many separate instruments an overall sound arises.

Or it could be like the body that comes about from the unity of countless cells, yet is different than any single cell. A reality that does not have its base on any one thing, yet has existence nonetheless. So I saw God as a reality that is as ever shifting as music because of the changing face of physical events and mind arising from it. This thing ‘God’ is as near to us and as practical as our own heartbeat. If we feel our heartbeat and honestly ask ourselves what causes our existence, do we really know? We probably have some formulaic idea such as chemical or biological processes. But neither chemistry nor biology explain the full answer. What is at our base is a mystery, and it seems wise to me to stand before that mystery humbly and open to it in our dealings with everyday life.

My sense of God did not present itself as something that was an ultimate being causing all things, but as an intrinsic aspect of what exists, and that exists because of reality, and acts upon it. You can never grasp it because it always moves and evolves. I felt it to be like wind. Could I be the wind? It is featureless yet touching and influencing things.

Then a strong image of a snake arose. The influence of God, of the featureless power that can enter a human life and transform it was like a snake. The dream snake can bite you, and its venom may flow throughout your being and kill you. Most of us are very frightened of this. The reason being that the venom will take away your personal boundary of self. It melts the boundary of egoic self-interest, and personal connections with family and children, with choices in action. It replaces the personal interests and fears with a self that is part of the one great life. So, the fear of the snake is not because its venom is deadly, but because it transforms. It turns you into a being who is part of the whole. It robs one of the artificial walls placed between self and the collective pool of life consciousness. T.


Going beyond is a normal experience, and is not limited to the psychic, ‘spiritual’, mystic or unusual type of person. It happens to children, to adults, to those living a normal life, or even those dying – for it is the Core Self expressing a life function by dreaming while awake.

It happens to everybody when they stop repressing their flow of thoughts and feelings, or controlling them. Carl Jung said clearly, “Stop editing what you think,” a complete opposite to controlling meditation.

I have described this fully in Life’s Little Secrets – Opening to LifeLifeStream – Many Ways To A New Life


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