Relationship and dreams

Most dreams depict relationship in one form or another. Some dreams however, specifically show you in a particular relationship. Such dreams are usually highly significant in that they reveal aspects of what you are doing in the relationship that you may not admit or realise consciously. It can therefore be transformative to gain insight into any dreams that show you in relationship with present partners or lovers. See Techniques for Exploring your Dreams

Example: I was with Lorna, a woman I was having a relationship with but not committed to. She told me she was pregnant. I said to her this was impossible and it couldn’t be my child. She looked at me and shrugged saying ‘Okay, I’m not pregnant’. Neal C.

On exploring the dream Neal realised the enormous feelings involved. He had not realised consciously that Lorna had completely offered herself to him in their relationship. The dream shows him rejecting this complete offering of her sexuality and womanhood, and her turning away when he rejected her. This had actually happened, but Neal had not been conscious of what was occurring between them. The dream enabled him to realise how he pulled away from a woman’s full flow of self expression, and begin to change this. In the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects and places of our dream. Therefore our sexual drive may be shown as a person and how we relate to them; or given shape and colour as an object; or given mood as a scene. Our feeling of ambition might thus be portrayed as a business person in our dream – our changing emotions as the sea or a river; while the present relationship we have with our ambition or emotions is expressed in the events or plot of the dream. So any dream shoiwng a relationship needs to be looked at as if the drama and people, even the objects in the dreams, as if they are words in a sentence.

Example: I was in a very loving relationship in which I had developed powerful emotional links with D. We communicated many times each day while apart at work, etc. But one day there was no communication. I felt tremendous anxiety and emotional pain and shock, really frightened that she had dropped me. In fact she hadn’t, but my fears were very real and difficult to deal with. A real shock.

The feelings of being left or dropped, even if not real, are difficult ot deal with. Looking at ones dreams can give a real insight. Looking iwth the eys of truth.

Relationship is a vital part of life

Relationships in their various aspects, are one of the most vital and fulfilling parts of your life. Every dream you have has as its key theme, or as an underlying fact, an experience of a relationship. The quality of your relationships is vitally important, and determine how another person, or society, rewards or rejects you, what your dreams reveal about the hidden side of how you deal with other people can transform your life.

Relationship can be joyful of painful – but dreams can smooth the path of love

Also, love, whether for children, for a marriage partner, or a lover, can be a source of great joy. Or it might be experienced as conflict, or pain. The insights dreams can bring concerning the way your love flows or is blocked, can change conflict or pain to a feeling of wholeness and satisfaction. Relationships are made or broken by passions, pains and responses, many of which lie hidden, and arise from the very foundations of what we experienced of love, or its absence, in infancy and childhood. The present grows out of the past. The past pain of broken trust can still disrupt the trust we feel in our present love. The insights dreams give you can enable you to understand such influences, pinpoint their source, and move beyond them. Dreams do this by using mime and drama. While in a loving relationship that was sometimes painful to him, and thereby provoked doubts, Vincent had the following dream.

“I was visiting a children’s hospital for two days, and in my dream I woke in the hospital and saw a book placed carefully by me on the bed. I knew that Diane, my partner, had quietly come while I slept, and left the book as a gift. I picked up the book and the title was, ´Flaming Heart´. I felt very happy, and knew the book was about the power and fire of love”

Vincent’s pain arose from the fear of being abandoned by the person he loved. This was from childhood wounds, at times making Vincent wonder if he was really loved by Diane. In his childhood, Vincent had twice being placed ín a hospital. Each time he experienced a terror of being abandoned. So dreaming that he was in a hospital shows him revisiting those feelings. And they are feelings that had been disrupting his relationship with Diane. The book suggests that from his connection with Diane, Vincent has become aware of an as yet unexplained — unread — experience of love. There is no suggestion of hidden problems in the dream. Therefore Vincent felt he should trust the positive side of their love, and patiently allow unfoldment in himself. Through such imagery and feelings as Vincent met in his sleep, dreams guide us towards greater love and satisfaction in our relationships. See Dealing with Husband or ExIntegrating An Ex; Beware of Love; Surviving Love and Relationships; Ages of Love; Love Sex and Desire.

 Many of us get stuck in life situations

Many of us get stuck in life situations from which we may never emerge. The situation might be one of never establishing a full and satisfying sexual relationship; constantly feeling hurt by the actions of others; existing in a state of depression or anxiety; forever having to seek activity or company to deal with one’s own inner emptiness; experiencing enormous jealousy or anxiety in a relationship – the list could be endless. We need to ask our self the question as to why we maintain such an awful relationship with life. To quote a woman’s’ words, “Is your mind or awareness so tiny that you have never realised the forces and processes of your own body are beyond anything you understand? Can’t you see that your very existence is brought about by things so far beyond your knowledge that it is only a statement of your impoverishment to suggest an awareness of God is an expression of some sort of smallness and failure. Have you never understood that? Have you not seen that religion is not only an acknowledgement of what we fail to understand and yet depend upon, but it is also an opening to it, a willingness to relate to it? It can also be something far more even than that. It can be an active loving relationship with what gives you life. And such love is an exchange, a sharing, and a way of merging one with another. It is an exchange – a sharing of bodily fluids – the very substance of life. Imagine that; a glorious love affair with the very spirit of life! A love affair with the invisible and forever indefinable. Is that something you are afraid of?” I think the woman was not talking about religion as the massive organisations and often dogmatic creeds they promote, but as the human recognition that neither we, your mother or father created you. Sure you mother was a host, but she was in no way directing the intricate workings of pregnancy and the forming of your body. It was the processes of Life directing it. Of course many people feel that is all automatic and without purpose, but that is because they have never woken up to and explored the unconscious and its workings. They have never realised that they have a relationship with Life and have to do their inner housework and activities of growth. See Makes Inner  To learn to relate to Life you must remember that you are a living example and manifestation of Life, so in a real sense you have to listen to Life in YOU! But most of us are so focussed on relating to the outer world through their senses, trying to earn more, watching TV or hoping for the next sexual exploit they forget how to listen to themselves. Listening to oneself is often called intuition, and to hear what Life has to share with you, you must turn your attention away from the world, quieten the noise of your thoughts and emotions, and listen. I have called it at times learning how to become a virgin – See How I Became A Virgin; Using Your Intuition Of course we often think of relationships being sexual. In that case see Sexercises Sex and IdentitySex and DreamsEnergy, Sex and DreamsTune in to the sexual power of your pelvis Also we see relationships as being about friends, relatives and our children. So see LoveLove of selfLearning to LoveSurviving Love and RelationshipsTeenage Girl’s Love DreamsThe greatest love story in the worldLove Sex and DesireBeware of LoveArchetype of the Lover


-Kaitlyn 2015-09-25 23:00:54

Last night, I had a dream in which I was a new student in some sort of college,then there was this one girl with black hair and a curvy body who was obsessed with this one dude, who was a basketball player and somewhat player, then the girl saw how he came to greet me and talk to me and then she started telling me how he’s a bad person every day,
Then I spent a lot of time with him and ended up dating him, it was a very loving and beautiful relationship, one day I was going out and decided to watch his game and when it finished, hr came to see me,he even kissed me and held me really tightly and I felt somewhat happy and I felt the warmth of his body, we even walked home together even when the girl’s hating it and he kissed me again and told me to ignore the girl because she’s nuts.
That’s all I remember.
I woke up with a pain in my chest and confused and depressed.

-Monique 2014-10-25 10:41:10

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year now, everything in our relationship is perfect in every way including sexual.
He has now had two dreams where he has slept with another girl which she actually tried hitting on him while we were dating and actually wanted my boyfriend to break up with me to be with her.
Now these dreams have only been sexual, which I don’t understand because we have a good sexual relationship. He says there’s no feelings there for her but I just can’t comprehend how he dreams of a girl I dislike because she tried splitting is up. I also don’t understand why he wouldn’t just dream of those things with me. The dreams he’s had about me both times I’ve actually died. I really don’t know why and I’m worried that these dreams mean something?

-Ashley 2014-10-09 1:07:28

Hi I have been with a guy for 1 and a half years our daughter is 12 weeks old but before I met him I was very much in love with someone else there was so much lust but he loved in a different state then I… My boyfriend and I got together and things moved fast. Lately I have been having dreams about this other guy that we were in love and I would wake up not loving my partner and feeling like I wSnt happy it would go away after a couple of hours. Last night I had a similar dream but this time my partner and I were completely in love there was so much romance and we were pushing our daughter in the pram and we were so happy.. I woke up and it made me sad because that’s not how we are in real life .. I do love him but I don’t know what these dreams mean?

-Julie 2013-06-18 3:20:16

I keep having dreams about other men every single night i have no idea why? im in a happy relationship of two years with a beautiful baby boy. its starting to make me upset to go to sleep, every guy i dream about looks exactly like my boyfriend, but doesn’t have the same name or act the same as he does. The dreams are starting to get sexual i just wnat to know what these are all about

-Leigh 2013-04-03 6:36:26

My boyfriend and i have been exclusively dating for 6 months, we have known each other for years and even attended the same high school. We both have a young child each from previous relationships. We share so much in common and have such a deeper understanding of each other. We share a love that goes beyond what either of us thought was possible to experience. Our birthdays are one day and one year apart, being Virgo’s.

Last night i dreamed that him and i were travelling in his car in his home town area, looking for parking in a residential area-someone strange approached the car with intent to do us harm, my boyfriend dismissed the stranger and drove off. This dream gave me a sense of comfort and security with him by my side..
I then dreamed about visiting a house of one of his family members where the father of my daughters car was parked, then i saw him and his brothers and felt extremely embarrassed that this was who i once dated and fathered my child.
Whenever i dream about him i feel regret and confusion as to how i ever accepted being in a relationship with someone of his character.

Then the dream switched to my boyfriend and I being in a bedroom, he asked me to pass his cologne from the wardrobe (this was not my room nor his) so i opened the wardrobe and read out a few of the cologne names i saw. He chose one and as i passed it to him he drank it and passed it back to me. Then we were laying on a neat bed in the room when he leaned over me and said, “look me in the eye please…be straight up and real now, do you have any other special person in your life?”… He asked in a calm manner but made me feel almost guilty in my reply “Only you my love”…In my mind in the dream, having given my ex so much thought with feelings of regret etc in the previous scene, I felt in some way guilty that even the slightest negative thought about another man was enough to count as making them somewhat ‘special’ to me…The dream made me feel sad that my boyfriend didn’t know just how much i respect him to never cheat or even think about it. It also worried me that he may have insecurities in waking life.

My dreams are often abstract in a sense and most emotive dreams i have come true, but until they do, i cant always tell or understand them.

Any insight or opinion will be most appreciated.

    -Tony Crisp 2013-04-07 9:41:58

    Dear Leigh – It is my belief, based on the thousands of dreams I have received, that you have mixed up your obvious love for your partner with memoires and old moral beliefs from the past.

    Each person we spend time with, fall in love with, make love to or grow up with, or even animals, we develop an incredible and often invisible bond. For instance many women and men write and ask why they keep dreaming of partners, parents of even old friends they have moved on from. You keep dreaming about your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with them you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed.

    So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning. So see


-Destiny 2012-05-06 5:51:22

Ohkay me and my ex boyfriend were dating for 6 years on and off and we just broke up a year ago but when we first broke i had dreams that him and his girlfriend would break up right in front of me and in one dream he left her for me and there were many dreams and each one was different. I still have dreams about him he was my first love i just wanna know what the dreams mean .

    -Tony Crisp 2012-05-08 10:42:09

    Destiny – Anyone you love has left a great deal of memories and experiences in you.

    Remember that we are not just a conscious personality, we are Life itself expressing as you. We have a massive unconscious self which takes care of all the things like heartbeat that keeps you functioning. As such we are always feeding on something, food, water and EXPERIENCE. Most people are often totally unaware of the experience they take in and how it interacts with them when we love someone.

    So your many dreams are not about him, but all the memories, longings, pains and other feelings that you are digesting. See


-Ashley 2012-02-09 14:32:51

Me and my fiance have been together going on 2 years now, I’ve been alittle upset because our sex life isnt what it use to be…we both work, and i attend college. Well, last night i had a dream about one of my ex boyfriends, one that was very dear to me…we dated back when i was 18, i’m now 21. My ex moved to Ohio when one of his best friends died, he felt he could sort his life out better being away. I think about him often, though i havent talked to him in some quit time. My dream are of me being upset trying to get his attention to move back here to Texas. I dont understand these dreams and why I’m having them more often than usual? I have no contact with my ex, besides via facebook, even then we dont talk much on there. I confide in my best girlfriends but they have no reasonable explaination…Please help me out with this.


-Michelle 2011-02-05 9:11:15

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and a half, and things are actually good, we even have plans of getting married in the future. He recently had a dream about me that was very disturbing and I really need some insight as to what it means. In the dream we were at one of his family functions, together and happy, there was some guy there and the guy suggested that he wanted oral sex. I guess some time had passed and my boyfriend was looking for me and could not find me; and as he searches for me I come walking up with the guy, who is much more come and relaxed because i performed oral sex on him. So my boyfriend looks at me, questioning if I did it, and I said casually, “yea, i just wanted to help him out.” Of course he was upset, says he cannot believe i did that and walks away sad and crying. My boyfriend said that he woke up crying in real life. Now i would never cheat on him so I don’t understand the dream at all. I would appreciate any insight. Thanks

    -Tony Crisp 2011-02-05 14:59:40

    Michelle – I realised I have jumped the queue in answering you, but this one is near to my heart and I believe has something to say to many other people.

    Here is a dream I had many years ago:

    Last night I dreamt I was on board a pleasure cruiser with my wife. I believe we taught the people yoga. As I stood on a high deck, I looked down and saw Hyone sitting below me with very tight knickers on and nothing else. As a man walked towards her the knickers came off or slipped down. The man was sexually aroused and started attempting to penetrate her. She only put up a token resistance, mewing a little bit, but not fighting him off. I rushed towards them and kicked him off. We were then in a sick quarters. I sat away from my wife feeling very angry about her poor resistance. In fact I got up and walked away, not wanting anything to do with her.

    Don’t forget that that is my dream and it was your boyfriends dream also, a very similar theme. I mentioned my dream because I learnt what was behind it, and I am sure the same thing is behind your boyfriends dream. And there is something that needs explanation. It is that when we fall in love with anyone, as presumably your boyfriend has with you, an awful things starts happening. It is that the person we learned love with originally – presumably his mother – he now lives out what he learned then. Not just lives it out, but actually projects it on to you. And of course it can happen the other was round, with a woman with her man.

    In my case the awful feelings I felt were me living out on my wife what I had learned with my mother at an early age. Of course the dream theme is only representation of the originally feelings. I felt my mother was ready to abandon me, and lived awful things because of it. We tend to see it as abandonment and being unloved, as your boyfriend dreamt.

    So I feel certain at some time in his childhood he had an experience of being abandoned, and instead of dreaming it as it was, he turns it around and dreams it is you who can so easily abandon him.

    So support him with certainty of your love. It might not be easy because he feels the woman he learn love from can easily dessert him, and it is not a feeling easily got rid of. So if possible don’t get upset of argue with him, simply say, “I love you.” It worked with me, and it can work with you both.


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