Boyfriend or Ex

Dreaming about your boyfriend is usually about your emotional feelings, attachment to, or fears about the boyfriend. This includes the difficulties, struggles with feelings and sexuality felt in connection with boyfriend or other males. It might also be your insights into his behaviour. Please read Ages of Love

Boyfriend dreams often have an element either of fear or dreaming of possibilities. In other words the dream explores what you fear might happen in the relationship, and what you hope will happen. See Inner People 

Example: I constantly have a dream that me and my best friend/boyfriend of 3 years just suddenly aren’t together. I never know why, but I am either with another guy or simply alone and just have this horrible feeling in my stomach, and know it’s not right. In my dream I get upset my bf never called or contacted me after breaking up, and I never know why we ended either. The dream ends with me giving in and trying to find a way to call him but then I wake up. The obvious conclusion would be I think I belong with my bf, but is there anything else possibly?

This is a wonderful example of how the mind works, and the play between what we allow ourselves to think – our conscious mind – and what we do not allow ourselves to know – our unconscious. As an example of this here is another young woman’s dream.

Example: During my teens I was engaged to be married when I found a more attractive partner and was in considerable conflict. Consistently I dreamt I was at my fiancé’s funeral until it dawned on me the dream was telling me I wanted to be free of him. When I gave him up the dreams ceased. I don’t understand what this means, and its really bothering me. Why am I dreaming of this? Can you help me understand the meaning of these dreams?

Each person we spend time with, fall in love with, make love to or grow up with, or even with animals, we develop an incredible and often invisible bond. For instance many women and men write and ask why they keep dreaming of partners, parents of even old friends they have moved on from.  You keep dreaming about your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with them you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed.

So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself – we dream about them and use them as a symbols of what we picked up from the relationship. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning.

Cheated on: Many dreams of this are sent and here is an example:

Example: In my dream I’m with my ex girlfriend (who I still hang out with) we are hanging out being really close and lovey on each other. Then I leave the room for something and when I come back she is with a man. In this reoccurring dream she is always with a different guy and I don’t know who any of them are. When I walk in they are really close to each other and holding hands sometimes she is sitting on his lap. In my dream it always breaks my heart and I tell her how I feel and she acts like she doesn’t care. Then I wake up. In real life we were together for 2 years and I’m a girl. While we were together she cheated on me with men. We still hang out today but we are just friends with benefits.

This type of dream is usually from a young woman who either sees her boyfriend with another man or has powerful suspicions that he is seeing someone else. The dreamer is actually meeting her unresolved feelings of jealousy, of feeling not as good as the other person and not being lovable.

Ex-lover/boyfriend: This frequently shows any feelings or hopes still connected with him. The ex-boyfriend or lover often becomes a symbol for all the hopes for love that are not being satisfied at the moment, or in the present relationship. Sometimes it is a way of digesting or living in the past. It may occur in some dreams that the ex-lover is seen as a dead body, or a murder is involved. This is usually because we are killing, or have killed some of our longings and love for that person.

Example: Although married for almost nine years, I have been dreaming almost every night about an old friend. We used to date twelve years ago, but although we still meet occasionally, our relationship now is purely platonic.

About two weeks before I found out he was getting married I had a dream where he handed me a single red rose and said ‘I love you, but the time’s not right’. In the latest dream I was reading a paper with the heading ‘Broken Hearted Babies’, with a picture of both of us as babies, with our names underneath. Amanda – Teletext.

Obviously Amanda still has unfulfilled longing and dreams in regard to her ‘old friend’. Even so it is worth reading the things in the previous section.

Example: I dream I am in a room with my ex-boyfriend – Gary. I feel scared about having sex with him but want him to show me all the excitement and thrill of sex. I love him but can’t tell him how much I want the enjoyment of his body closer to mine. You are the first person I can write to telling about having sex with my ex-boyfriend. Donna – Lancs.

Relationships are complicated and here Donna is experiencing the conflict of wanting him yet being separated. Remember that dreams are like computer games I which you can be killed, make love a thousand times, and come away none the worse – unless of course you feel that what happened was exactly like waking life. Then you would have the sort of questions and dilemmas you are telling me about. See Dreams Like a Computer Game; Dreams are a reflection of your inner world.

Daughter’s boyfriend: This may illustrate your judgements and feelings about the boyfriend.

Male dreaming of boyfriend: Usually this is about the qualities of weaknesses you witness in your friend. See the entry on Characters and People in Dreams to understand this. It can also be about the reasons you have become friends, and the intricacies of the relationship.

Useful Questions and Hints:

If this is about a past love, what do I honestly now feel about him and why?

Do the events in the dream show what I fear – and if so can I honestly see them as fears, not reality?

What relationship situation does the dream depict, and how does this comment on waking life?

See Growing Up to LovePeople Animals and Objects of our Dreams are Projections


-Kennisha 2016-11-18 13:18:22

Hi, I had a dream that my boyfriend broke up with me for his ex . I was devastated so much so that it felt real. What does this mean ?

-Laurayne 2016-09-23 12:14:33

Me and my guy had a huge fight that ended in the place being completely smashed up. He has a lot of secrets and althoug he tries to be honest its not his strong point. I had a dream he was with a boy around 10-11 He called him dad. I had never seen the child before but he looked just like him. I looked at him suprised and he looks at me nnoyed and says yes this is my son. It was so clear I was confused.

-Holly 2016-08-26 12:43:35

I had a dream my boyfriend and I were shopping together having fun. His cell phone goes off, I noticed on his home screen he had a picture of a little girl In someone’s arms on the beach. The only thing is u couldn’t see the person holding her only half of the person the head part was cut out. I asked him who the little girl was, he said, ” don’t worry about it.” I got mad and walked away. I then woke up from my dream.

-sabrina 2016-08-02 12:43:34

I had a dream about my current boyfriend a few nights ago, it was strange because we were brraking up.. I never understood why though. I remember him coming to my house and me waljing outside with his necklace and he had mine, i saw his mother and step-father in a car and it was weird because it seemed like he didnt care that we were breaking up but i was in tears ? We smiled and act like nothing had happened and threatened me .. I dont know what that means though. We are currently in a good place were happy and on good terms but i found it so strange that i had that dream, when we fight he never gives up or even acts like nothing is wrong . there’s been a few times that i wnated to leave but i didn’t because i love this boy. I just want to figure out what that dream meant.. Are we going to break up ? Is he talking to someone else ? I need answers !

-Julia 2016-07-18 2:05:38

I dreamed about my old friend who I never stop loving . In my dream he was crying and keep saying I’m sorry..

-Destiny 2016-07-08 17:11:20

I keep having dreams of a guy I had a thing with for a few weeks (though I’ve known him for around 10 years now). The dreams have all been adorable dates or just hanging out or related to a few of the make out sessions we ended up having. But recently he’s just told me he’s not looking for a relationship so I honestly thought the dreams would stop, and they haven’t it’s just the same as before. I’m still not entirely sure what it means anymore.

-Vanessa 2016-07-06 13:42:45

I keep having the same dream about my childrens father. We havent been in a relationship in a long time but still deal with each other. I keep dreaming he has a son with the same woman he lied about not being with. He can never say out loud that he doesn’t want to be with me but his actions show he loves his other ex and not me. The ex face and body changes every time but I know its her ( in the dream). This time around I wasn’t as heartbroken as I was in the past dreams. I just want to know why he always lies to me and can’t be honest about his feelings. It hurt me that she was pregnant and having a son but I was able to be around her with my daughters and see her throughout their pregnancy. I just was hurt that he lied to me and was blowing off my feelings in front of her. In my past dreams about them if I seen he was talking to her or her being pregnant I was super heartbroken trying to go through his phone because he was telling me he wasnt with anyone especially her but I seen it with my own eyes. I’m always asking why wouldnt he just wouldn’t tell me the truth? That he wanted to be with her and not me. I don’t know if this is my own personal insecurities or a warning in these dreams I have of him.

-destiny 2016-06-24 14:59:18

Last night I had a dream that I had feelings for my ex! We broke up about a month ago and I can say honestly still do have feelings for him! But I’m trying my best to forget about him! But in the dream I was building up the courage to go to him and tell him how I feel and I was telling him that I still liked him.. I visited so many web sites but I never came across the answer to my dream so it would make my day and bring me closer if you could tell me what the dream means

    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2016-06-27 7:52:28

    Dear Destiny – Not knowing anything about why and how you broke up with each other, I can only look at your dream from your inner world point of view. Many things that will work out well in your inner world might not be applicable or will not work out well in your outer world;
    So with that in mind it may be helpful to ask yourself why you would not like him as a part of your inner world or as an aspect of your inner male;
    Can you imagine that “to bring me closer” can also reflect the relationship with the male aspects inside you?
    In general we can say the man in a woman’s dreams represents the woman’s mental and social power, her ability to act creatively in ‘the world’. It also holds in it an expression of your complex of feelings about men, gained as experience mostly from your relationship with – or lack of relationship with – your father. The animus is also a synthesis of all your male contacts. So the whole realm of your experience of the male can be represented by the man in your dream, and is accessible through the image;
    What did you learn while being in a relationship with him?
    In what ways did your relationship with him help you grow and become aware what is important for you in an intimate relationship?
    What did you miss in your relationship and what did you find?
    Did you become aware how your ex-boyfriend mirrors aspects of your inner male?
    How can this awareness help you in the process of expressing more of your own potential?
    Does this give you a start?
    Anna 🙂

-Chrissy 2015-10-10 12:50:08

I had a nightmare about my ex last night and would love some guidance. I’m 26, he’s ten years older. He was my first serious relationship, even though we only dated 4 months. He treated me very well and was very focused on a future with me. Then, out of the blue dumped me, and never could explain why. I think he panicked, but who knows. It’s been 5 months now and I have improved a lot with my healing and being myself again. But I still am dealing with it and processing emotions.

In my dream, he had posted on Facebook he had a girlfriend, and I was tagged in a group picture. In this picture, we were sitting together and she was also there. In the dream I realized the night we met he had also met this girl. Then he started posting more and more pictures of them being obnoxiously happy. I was very upset and I was thinking about messaging him and telling him off for disrespecting my feelings, but knew I shouldn’t break the no contact (we literally haven’t spoken once but he tried recently). As I was fuming and trying to decide, I woke up.

When I woke up, I felt scared and nauseous and upset that I let my mind dream of him. He betrayed my trust, and I would never ever get back with him because I don’t deserve to be treated that way, but I’m working on letting go of how poorly he treated me in the breakup and how he broke my trust as well as my heart.

I’m sorry for the length. Any thoughts would be very much appreciated. Thank you.


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