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It can depict how you see the relationship with your husband; your relationship with your sexuality; sexual and emotional desire and pleasure; how you relate to intimacy in body, mind and spirit. Or it can be habits of relationship developed with one’s father.

Example: ‘My recurring dream – some disaster is happening. I try to contact the police or my husband. Can never contact either. I try ringing 999 again and again and can feel terror, and sometimes dreadful anger or complete panic. I cry, I scream and shout and never get through! Recently I have stopped trying to contact my husband. I managed once to reach him but he said he was too busy and I would have to deal with it myself. I woke in a furious temper with him and kicked him while he was still asleep.’ Mrs G. S.

The husband here depicts Mrs S’s feelings of not being able to ‘get through’ to her man. This is a common female dream theme, possibly arising from the husband not daring to express emotion or meet his partner with his own feelings. For Mrs S. this is an emergency. Although the dream dramatises it, there is still real frustration, anger, and a break in marital communications.

Cannot find husband: Many middle aged women dream of ‘losing’ their husband while out with him, perhaps shopping, or walking in a town somewhere. Sometimes the dream portrays him actually killed. Mrs A. D. wonders if her dream was a premonition. It is more likely a form of practising the loss, so it does not come as such a shock when or if it does happen. The greatest shocks occur when we have never even considered the event – such as a young child losing it’s mother – an event it has never practised, not even in fantasy, so has no inbuilt shock absorbers. As most of us know, men tend to die before women, and this information is in the mind of middle aged married women. Mrs A. D. may have unconsciously observed slight changes in her husband’s body and behaviour, and therefore readied herself.

Example: ‘I dreamt many times I lost my husband, such as not being able to find the car park where he was waiting, and seeing him go off in the distance. I wake in a panic to find him next to me in bed. These dreams persisted, and then he died quite suddenly. He was perfectly healthy at the time of the dreams and I wonder if it was a premonition of me REALLY losing him.’ Mrs A. D.

Example: My husband and I go out somewhere together, mostly in a town or built up area. After a while I lose him, and even though we arrange to meet at a certain place, he’s never there when I arrive. I’m looking everywhere and desperately asking passers by if they have seen him. The sense of loss and panic is awful and people keep saying “Yes, he is over there, or went that way.” I never find him.

Dead husband: Your memories and remaining emotions about your husband. Sometimes a meeting with him. See Dreaming of Death

The example below illustrates the ‘psychic’ meeting some women experience. In anything of an apparently psychic nature, we must ALWAYS remember the unconscious is the great dramatist. It can create the drama of a dream in moments. In doing so it makes our inner feelings into apparently real people and objects OUTSIDE OF US. While asleep we lightly dismiss this amazing process as ‘a dream’. When it happens while our eyes are open or we are near waking, for some reason we call it a ghost, a vision or a psychic event. Yet the dream process is obviously capable of creating total body sensations, emotions, full visual impressions, vocalisation – what else is a dream? On the other hand, the dream process is not dealing in pointless imaginations. Many women tend to believe they have little sexual drive, so it is easier for G. L. to see her drive in the form of her husband. But of course, her husband may also depict how she felt about sex in connection with his ‘sexual appetites’. It is a general rule however, that our dream process will dramatise into a past life, or a ‘psychic’ experience, emotions linked with trauma, or sexual drive, which we find difficult to meet in the present.

Example: ‘My dead husband came into my bedroom and got into bed with me to make love to me. I was not afraid. But owing to his sexual appetites during my married life with him I was horrified, and resisted him with all my might. On waking I felt weak and exhausted. The last time he came to me I responded to him and he never came back again. This happened three times. The last time I don’t think it was a dream. I was not asleep. I think it was his ghost.’ G. L.

Death of husband: If you think about your husband, do you think it is him. No, it is your feelings memories and emotions you feel. That is exactly the same with dreams. It is not your husband you are dealing with directly, but your fears and feeling, your emotions and anxieties.

So dreaming or his death you have been exploring your feelings about him dying. It is not a prediction, and many women dream of their husband dying, and feeling of what it would be like without him. Rather that than never have face his death before it happens.

Example: I had a really horrible dream last night. My husband died. In the dream we were sleeping and when I wake up in the dream I realize that my husband is lying next to me as if he were still sleeping, but he’s not sleeping he’s dead. He died while sleeping. In the dream it’s horrible and we don’t bury him, I cremate him and I go every where with his ashes. I cannot let go of him and I feel so much pain because I won’t see him anymore, hear his voice or feel him. I woke up from the dream crying and turned around and hugged him and kept crying I felt so scared and I felt a lot of pain; it took a while for him to calm me down, I couldn’t stop crying. Right now typing this makes me get a chocked up feeling just thinking about what I felt in that dream makes me feel horrible (in the sense that I might lose him) I hate it and I feel scared. What could that dream mean?

It means that the woman is facing her feelings and anxieties about losing him. But losing him means the loss of support and companionship, of dreams of their future.

Other woman’s husband: One’s own husband; feelings about that man; desire for a non committed relationship with less responsibility.

Sex with husband: The sexual dream at best is a wonderful indicator of how you, the dreamer, are feeling about your sexual and emotional relationship, or what one longs for, at the time of the dream. At worst it depicts all one fears might happen or be happening.

One can fairly safely say that our dreams are not so much about how the world and other people actually ARE, but rather how we see or passionately FEEL people or the world are. Of course our feelings and views may be very accurate, but one must always be aware of the variance between what one has created out of ones own inner life and vision, and how others people see themselves or events actually are.

Example: I dreamt I was laying in bed with my husband. I felt a sexual attraction and flow, something I hadn’t felt for a while in our relationship. I reached out to him expressing this but there wasn’t any response from him. So I talked to him saying that I had reached out to him sexually and in his body response I had felt there was no attempt to meet me. He replied that in fact that was the situation as far as he was concerned – that he was indeed saying no. Jo K.

Jo and her husband had lived for a year without any sex at all prior to the time of this dream. This had not been an unhappy time. Far from it, they had achieved a lot of peace and warmth without tension. On talking about her dream with her husband, he felt that he wasn’t saying no to her sexually. Indeed, his stated reason for not reaching out to her was that for years it had always been him making the approach to her. This had led to his feeling he was imposing something on her and as this was unpleasant he had stopped any attempt at sexual relationship. So Jo’s dream was really about how she saw her husband rather than what was actually happening.

Useful Questions and Hints:
Is the dream in any way an expression of what I feel or fantasise?
What is the dream dramatising?
Does it express our present state of sexual relationship?
See Difficult Relationship – Dead Partner or Ex – Identity and Sex – Ages of Love





-julie 2013-10-24 18:39:03

Hi I dreamt of going to search through my husband phone then I woke up what does that mean . Many thanks


    -emma 2014-10-17 1:08:03

    Julie, you married the man for a reason. Don’t go looking for trouble when its not needed. Pray to God He makes your husband love you passionately and deeply.


-Suzanne Ruffo 2014-07-04 9:38:00

I woke scared from a dream immediately!
I dreamt I was outside with my husband and a small group of people. I moved from standing near my husband to join a group of ladies for a photo to be taken. Next something electrical fell over into standing water…it went dark..I heard a man scream loudly…thinking it can’t be my husband. When I could see my husband was slouched over someone was carrying him away quickly. I was screaming his name.. Yelling where are you taking him…. Call for help! I woke up


    -Tony Crisp 2014-07-06 13:41:07

    Suzanne – Please read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions-2/#Summing as most people who write have no idea dreams are a completely different world than everyday life.

    You dream seems to be a fear you have of losing your husband. You fear he will die, but it is a dream and not a prediction. Except of course he will die at some unspecified time, so see if you can meet your fear so it will not be a shock when it does occur.



-Isabelle 2014-07-29 22:02:12

I dreamt of my husband in our bedroom sitting at down on the floor watching me sleeping. In my dream I woke up and saw him there and he was holding a screw driver. I went to him and hug him tightly.


-Vivian 2014-08-29 3:28:29

My husband left my kid and me a month ago. And I have 2 dreams of him. First dream was he confessed that he had visited prostitutes over the past 4 months about once a month. He was explaining to me calmly why he did so and I remember feeling unsure how to feel about it. Second dream was he came up to me suddenly one day and said someone predicted he would die on that day and he wanted me to meet him. When I met him we ran through human crowds and mad dangerous traffic and at the end we were both happy, we held hands and smiled and I saw something pink. Should be a pink flower if I remembered correctly.


    -Tony Crisp 2014-09-03 8:21:55

    Vivian – You are obviously a lovely, loving and forgiving person.

    The dream about your husband is not directly about him but is a reflection of what you feel and hope about him. Please read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/questions-2/#Summing

    The prediction and view that he visited prostitutes may be true, or a way your dreams explain and helps you feel easier with what he did.

    So it is not your ex you are dreaming of, but your dreams are showing you your inner feelings about the past relationship and all the memories needing to be digested and learned from. Remember that because you were together for a while there is no way you can ‘have nothing to do’ with someone you have been intimately involved with. It doesn’t work like that. Most people are often totally unaware of the massive experience they take in during a relationship and how it interacts with them when we love someone. In other words the memories and experience we gather unconsciously change us and are not lost. It is part of you and is symbolised in dreams as a person or event.



-Angelia 2014-12-08 15:21:37

I am coming to you I have been having dreams of my husband that past away in March. Its been 8 months. I have him come to me in my sleep just a few days after he past it wasnt a dream. He came to me and told me Called me by my name and told me her loves me and be sure to let the girls know he loves them too. I didnt see him I just heard his voice I was awaken out of a dead sleep cause it was so real. I cried all that night. I have had tons of signs from him. Phone calls showing his name and number on the caller id, I have seen rainbows out of the blue with no rain at all. I felt him in bed with me on several occasions in our bed where he past away. Ive seen him getting out my daughters bed walk toward the kitchen and disappear. Everytime I have seen him was with no face I cant see his face at all. I know its him with what he use to dress in and his hair what he has on his watch everything but I cant see his face I was hoping you can tell me why is that


-linda 2014-12-22 7:20:29

Hello my husband and i separated and divorced 30yrs ago because he got involved with a wicked woman, moved out of state with her and separated himself from his biological family also so. he just started back communication about 5yrs before passing, he starting calling me talking about the pass, saying he know he hurt me but he was young dumb then, but i wouldnt discuss the pass, thats all he wanted to talk about, he always said he had something to share with me but we never talked about it i would not talk about pass, i told him i don’t hate him, i’ve moved on, but since he passed about 3yrs ago, he stays on my mind, i don’t understnd why?


    -Tony Crisp 2014-12-22 8:17:53

    Linda – Thank you for describing so well about your situation.

    You say you have moved on. But how can you move on from yourself without damage?

    You keep thinking about your dead husband, your ex from years ago or old friends because while you lived with him you experienced millions of memories, situations, conflict and learning experiences. So you carry them with you as memories, lessons learnt, love or anger still trying to find a way of being absorbed. So in a way it is not your husband, ex or others you are dealing with but yourself. We cannot have a mass of experience with someone and move away without it influencing us. Life is, in a very real way, a learning experience, and every new experience has to be fitted into what we are learning.

    So you need to deal with it the same way you deal with food you eat and digest. You experience it and chew it all up and pass it on to your life process that sorts out what is useful and craps out the rest. See http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#RecoverRelate



-Michele 2014-12-26 11:05:37

I dreed that my husband and I were out somewhere in public possible a work gathering and that every time I left to go get something and return he was gone he kept moving without telling me. Once I returned and he was sitting with two women and I overheard one of them telling him he seems to always be trying something new! I was getting angry that he was moving whenever I left the area to get something without telling me. I had to keep searching for him!


    -Tony Crisp 2014-12-29 7:57:03

    Michele – It could be your dream summary of your husband is correct, or that you are someone who has to remain in control of the relationship.

    If it is a correct summary it points to both of you being very different in temperament. If you can recognise and honour that then you will have a stimulating and learning experience. If not it might seem as if stress is a part of your married life. See http://dreamhawk.com/relationship-sex/beware-of-love/



-Brinda 2015-01-18 4:51:40

My husband is a good man and looks after me and my 2 yr old. However in my dreams he is always hurting me physically. Once i was in such excruciating pain as he poked my ribs with his fingers, paused, then repeated it again and again. In my dream I was trying to scream but no sound would come out of my mouth. Tonight I was sleeping -in my dream- and he came to me in the dark, still in my dream, and poked my ear with a flat thumb, putting unbelievable pressure on it. I wake up in discomfort, in my dream, and ask him why he is hurting me. He just walks around the room like a possessed zombie and refuses to answer. He is always ruthless and sadistic in my dreams, yet he is a nice guy in reality. I am always incredibly hurt in my dreams and he never seems to care. He cheats on me often in my dreams and doesn’t care when I am sobbing my heart out. Please help me make sense of this madness. I am fed up of all the physical pain that wakes me up from my sleep. I wonder if it is astral travel. It is just so vivid everytime I dream of him, like it is actually happening.


    -Tony Crisp 2015-01-18 15:10:23

    Brinda – I don’t think it is astral travelling, but dreams are extremely real like virtual reality. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/out-of-body-experiences/

    But it sounds like you are using your husband to realise a problem you have. Please read http://dreamhawk.com/approaches-to-being/questions-2/#Summing

    The problem is that you have been hurt by a male in the past, someone you respected and so it was a shock. The awful thing that happens to us is that love is learned and often hurt by someone – perhaps father – and then we love another man but we see him in our dreams as first love because that was what we learned. And such learning becomes a habit that needs to be recognised and changed.

    Wives an husbands get a terrible time from partners with past problems because we project it all on them and try to work it out on the present partner. In the dream, does your husband resemble your father in some way; or does your feeling towards him in the dream repeat what you feel/felt towards your father in real life? In this case, you would seem to be projecting your (image of) father on to your husband; and this in turn probably means you need to liberate yourself from a strong attachment to father that is preventing you from being your own person.

    Obviously I am guessing, but try using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/acting-on-your-dream/#BeingPerson



-Beth B. 2015-01-19 4:06:04

I have been having sex dreams several nights in a row more and more often. They start out as if regular life. Then some were it just switches in seconds to me being a little excited and wanting sex from my husband to us having sex then I wake to be in another dream same thing happens just slightly different senero,but same thing.with the same person. The very next night same thing happens either one dream or a double dream (rare double dream). The first time this happened it happened three nights in a row. Second time this happened it was 2 nights in a row now im wondering why it is I’m dreaming of this and what it may mean. We been together 5yrs.


-Brinda 2015-01-20 22:10:25

OMG Tony you have pointed out something to me that makes a lot of sense. My poor husband has been dealing with my childhood baggage without either of us realising it. Yes I have subconsciously put the pressure on him to protect myself from getting hurt again. We talked about it and it feels like a weight has come off both our shoulders. Thank you for being an angel!


    -Tony Crisp 2015-01-21 9:58:45

    Thank you so much Brinda.

    I do aspire to be an angel one day. :-)



-Kelly 2015-01-25 9:54:21

Hi. Myself and my husband have been married 10 months. We were childhood sweethearts who went our separate ways but got back together three years ago. My dream is that he meets someone else and divorces me. But all the time I’m trying to make him see that I love and need him but he ignores me like I’m nothing.
It’s the same dream nearly every night just different scenarios. But weird stuff comes into it like I’m in a room fulling up with water and in a shoe shop with his new wife.


-babylove 2015-02-01 8:59:13

Hi. I’m always having da same dream. I’m currently pregnant and I stay with my BF, almost every night I’m having this dream of my baby being taken away from me from my womb and whenever I call for my boyfriend he is never there. He once had that dream too but his in his dream me and the baby were taken away but he fought. And everytime he has his nightmares I get pain in my womb(I wake feeling pains and they last for a while) and now in my dreams my baby is being taken from me and someone is trying to kill me. Please tell me what dat means


    -Tony Crisp 2015-02-01 10:19:23

    Babylove – I can only guess what your dream is about because I have never ‘explored’ a dream like this. So in the first place it is obvious that you share deeply with your partner, and his feelings and fears influence your body and feelings. That is because our conscious self has a limited range of sensing things, but unconsciously we are like an island in the middle of the sea, and out of sight, in our unconscious, we are all connected because the land under the sea connects us all.

    You both have quite powerful fears or traumas that are showing in your dreams and are influencing each other. The fear, maybe shared, is that you will lose this baby. Your boyfriend is fighting this awful fear, but it seems to be eating away at your confidence. But remember that anxieties regarding pregnancy and birth are common in pregnant women. They dream terrible dreams of their baby being lost, killed, born deformed or worse. Those women whose dreams included a high percentage of anxiety themes were the ones who delivered their babies in the shortest time – less than ten hours. The conclusion was that by allowing feelings of anxiety in our dreams we are less influenced by anxiety in waking, and we can deal with situations more confidently.

    So I feel that your baby will be fine, but see if you both can calm down your fears a bit. Also I would suggest taking a good multivitamin and mineral supplement and 400iu if vitamin E daily.

    Maybe practise meditation to help calm you down. Your baby wants to be born otherwise you would not be carrying it. So talk to it daily telling it you love it and will welcome it when it is born. Here is an interesting dream showing how an unborn baby can communicate – “I feel my son kicking so as I’m touching it but it turns around and runs up to me and starts talking to me and he’s so happy and just adorable he tells me oh that’s me in there and we just talk for what seems like hours and look for shells on the beach.”

    But see http://dreamhawk.com/pregnancy-childbirth/cherub-prebirth-meetings-with-your-baby/



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