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Sexual dreams usually express hidden desires; the way we would like to express sexually, or problems in this area. Although sex is symbolised in many dreams, where it appears directly it shows that the dreamer is able to more easily accept their sexual urges and hurts. What is then important is to attempt an understanding of what setting or drama the sexual element occur in. Our psychological and sexual nature, like our physical, never stand still in development unless a pain or problem freeze them at a particular level of maturity. Therefore, our sexual dreams, even if our sex life is satisfactory, show us what growth, what new challenge, is being met.

Whenever a healthy man dreams, he experiences an erection, no matter what the subject of the dream. Women also experience such stimulus while dreaming.

While dreaming you can safely allow any form of sexual pleasure you desire. Don’t let the useful morals of waking life intrude into your dreams. If your sexual dreams are frustrating, or do not lead to deep pleasure, drop the fears and limiting attitudes that are blocking the full flow of your excitement and pleasure.

Your longing for sexual partners that isn’t openly expressed, will attempt to become real in your dreams. It doesn’t mean that you are dissatisfied with your present partner if you have sex with other people in your dreams. All of us have such secret longings, and it is healthy for them to be allowed as we sleep. What it usually suggests is that you are exploring other experiences or dimensions of sex that you can then bring into your waking relationship.

Sometimes sexual pleasure is depicted in dreams as a tidal wave, or a snake, or something you may be resisting. This is because full sexual bliss floods the whole body, releasing tensions, bringing peace and a healing action physically and psychologically. To achieve this, learn to let go of rigid self control and be ready to feel your emotions.

Enjoying sexual pleasure with an animal, such as being kissed or licked by a cat, is the way dreams describe your own sexual urges at their most uncomplicated and basic level. It doesn’t mean you are weird. In such dreams you are dropping the complicated social rules that usually direct how you express yourself.

The energy behind the sexual drive is enormously important. It can flow in many different ways. It not only expresses as genital sex, but also in caring for others. If it is blocked illness can result. Your dreams show in detail just how you are dealing with this most important area of your life, and what is standing in the way of satisfaction and health. Do not accept the ready made formulas of popular sexual norms. Your dreams will show your own intimate and unique needs. Remember your dreams and be enriched by them.

Having sex with friends sister or brother is a normal way of exploring what it would be like to have sex with them. But it doesn’t mean you should act on it. In dreams you are free of all the difficulties attached to having sex physically, so it is harmless in dreams, but can cause many difficulties physically and socially.

Example: Laughing and happy, the flow of pleasure to E, leading to a kiss. The deep internal pleasure of kissing gradually widened until it led to genital feeling. I realised so many things as this lovely gentle growth of feeling and flowing occurred. I realised that I and most teenagers have too much technical sex instruction, so it is portrayed as an erect penis entering the vagina. But I was seeing it wasn’t like that at all. First of all came the gradual relationship with E. As that deepened it led to touching, being happy together and kissing. The kiss, oral pleasure, was our first area of loving with our mother. From that original centre of pleasure, it grows into anal and genital pleasure. This was what was happening. Then gently the body began to move. But there was still no erection. The movement was the forerunner of the inner pleasurable urge to thrust and penetrate. So there was a slow and internal growth through escalating feelings, and not an outwardly ordained set of movements that led to “sex”!



-Brian 2014-06-24 7:50:10

I had a dream about a girl younger than me and we liked each other so started going up stairs but we didn’t want anyone knowing, while going up the stairs I took her hand (that felt so real) she was behind me , then her younger sister seen us and was giggling about it so when we got to the room the girl didn’t come in incase the sister told on us! And I pretended to clean the room!


-anonymous 2014-10-17 3:53:04

im 25 y/o male and I stay with my brother and his wife,lately I been having a sequel of dreams where I have passionate kinda sex with my brother’s wife.
i can not stop thinking about it, please help


-Oana 2014-12-04 23:59:45


I have been having erotic dreams of my father since adolescence. The dreams are elaborate, long and highly arousing and end with intense and multiple orgasms. The dreams are often of me seducing my father and my father willingly being seduced or of my father and I having passionate sex. The context of these dreams is that my mother is looking on and we are ignoring her or she is preventing us from being happy and having sex together and being in love with each other. Needless to say, the dreams are disturbing when I wake up and I feel really bad about them.

I don’t understand why I would have continual, detailed dreams like these since I was never abused by my father and obviously not attracted to him in real life. I have a satisfying relationship with my husband of 5+ years and my dad and I get along as well as can be in real life.

I can’t seem to find any explanation that satisfying or give a clue as to why my subconscious keeps having these dreams.



    -Tony Crisp 2014-12-11 9:11:08

    Oana – You do not need to have been sexually assaulted to have sexual dreams about your father. Your present personality grew from a tiny baby that had no sense of right or wrong. We tend to judge our dreams from our present limited view of who we are. Remember that as you grew in our mother womb you developed through the levels of evolution. At one time we were like a fish with gills, and so within us are all levels of our past that is closed to our waking mind, but is there within our Global Mind. So we have within us all animals – no wonder we dream of strange things.

    To develop to the point of your mature sexual behaviour you passed through many levels of development. See http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/brain-levels-and-dreams/ and http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/electra-complex/

    As you will see from reading the above our present personality is simply a recent addition to a very ancient being that has most of its development locked in the unconscious. It might be worth using http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/secrets-power-dreaming/ because as your dream suggests your inner feelings about your mother are preventing us from being happy and having sex together and being in love with each other. All young childhood feelings.



-Anon 2015-05-31 20:34:08

Dear Tony,
Typically I never have any sexual dreams, for some reason I just don’t. I’d guess it would have to do with being a hold at heart and being Christian so I’m not allowed to have sex or do anything sexual until marriage. Going on, last night I had this crazy, sex dream. My friend brought me to what seemed to be a whore house. Walked me into this man’s room, and left. I told the man that I was ready, but he refused to have sex with me on the premise that I wasn’t ready for sex. So instead he fingered me, in the beginning to near the end he would use more than two fingers and it would hurt but I never said a word about it and allowed him to continue. He was rough with me, but allowed it. I wasn’t enjoying it in the least. Eventually he used only two fingers and that’s when I actually thought it felt nice. He was kissing me, and doing that. When he was done, I left. It was night time. The next morning I was missing him, and my family found out where I was the previous night and were disappointed in me. I remember thinking “see this is what I get for fooling around, he’s scum and I know it, but of course I miss him and wish he’d contact me.”
In the end of the dream, he tried talking to me but I snubbed him and walked away. What does this all mean?


    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-06-02 5:54:25

    Dear Anon – Every image and person in your dreams is an expression of your own life process. As such it is alive and intelligent and is something sent to help you. A dream is like a projection from a movie projector, except that you are the projector.
    Everything you see as outside you is coming from you, your emotions, your fears, your beliefs, your joys and explorations are all you, clothed in the dream images and drama.
    The reason why the man says you are not ready I see symbolised in this attitude “He was rough with me, but allowed it. I wasn’t enjoying it in the least”.
    Since this man is an aspect of your inner world I wonder if it means that your sexual attitude is hurtful to you in some way.
    Also you wrote “When he was done, I left”. Was this part of your dream satisfying to you in any way?
    The last part of your dream shows the enormous inner conflict you are dealing with.
    I feel it will be helpful to explore this dream for yourself while using Power Dreaming;
    Please also read http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/energy-sex-and-dreams/
    Good Luck!
    Anna :-)


-Cute 2015-07-03 1:10:21

Im in a relationship and i dreamt of kissing with my bf’s cuzn it was kissing and some intimate feeling. The guy always flirts with me in real life but the joking kind of way is he really into me or just playing can dream tell us the real desires of the guy ??


    -Anna - Tony's Assistant 2015-07-05 12:54:59

    Dear Cute – I believe you better focus on what it is that YOU want; what are your real desires?
    It can happen that when you are uncertain about your own desires or repressing them, that you are more likely to project them on “the other” and perceive your own desires as part of him in your dream, rather than as part of you (too).
    This then leads to questions like “is he really into me or just playing can dream tell us the real desires of the guy ??”
    See also http://dreamhawk.com/dream-encyclopedia/the-archetype-of-the-shadow/
    Anna :-)


-ariel 2015-10-02 17:36:50

my dream tonight was different. I was trying to have sex with an old lover that I know I have an undying infatuation for. Unfortunately in the dream I cant remember when he was penetrating me but I knee he was because he said it was my turn. I tried to ride like a cowgirl but his penis wouldn’t slide in. I tried to relax and breathe deep but I couldn’t get him in me. Then the dream went to a different deminsion. Can you please explain this please.
Usually my sex dreams are simple and pleasureable.

Thank you: ]


-dan 2015-11-02 18:39:09

Hi Tony,

I have an odd question.

I’m not religious or tied to any religious rules. There is a person (female) whom I have been attracted to for a few years and have never really had the courage to tell her or ask her out. I have always dreamt of her but only in a romantic fashion. But recently the dreams have altered and become highly and graphically sexualized. It is to the pleasure of both parties in the dream myself and her, no violence or abuse, but I am curious as to why the sudden and vivid change.

Also I am not sure if this is relevant, but I have suffered sporadic attacks of sleep paralysis since I was a child and am prone to lucidity in my dreams, hence me being able to recall them with ease.


Look forward to your thoughts



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