Author Archive

Suspended Between Death and Life

I discovered that the wonder found in the following description is everywhere and in everything. But if you are locked in seeing everything in pigeon holes of definition and words you may not be able to share the wonder.

“Today while going downstairs to the toilet I looked in the my large bedroom and saw my cat on the bed. The sight filled me with joy and also wonder. And as I went downstairs I asked myself what caused such a deep feeling of wonder – where does it come from.

Then it seemed that a voice inside me said, “Listen, what happened was that when you were born you were so tiny and helpless, so vulnerable because you were born prematurely, something happened to you. You were dying and yet were alive. Somehow you got strung between two worlds, the world of death and the world of life and the body. In that condition something entered you, something that doesn’t happen usually. You saw or experience the world beyond death, not in images or even in distinct memories. Yet it entered you and remained like a fragrance in your life that has guided your whole life; in fact it adds the sense of wonder to everyday life, such as seeing a flower growing from a dusty littered strewn highway. It was a wonder that is only now being recognised and felt and will slowly grow.” See Tony’s Biography

 

Sacred Marriage

“Here we come to that aspect of initiation which acquaints man with woman and woman with man in such a way as to correct some sort of original male-female opposition. Man’s knowledge (Logos) then encounters women’s relatedness (Eros) and their union is represented as that symbolic ritual of a sacred marriage which has been at the heart of initiation since its origins in the mystery-religions of antiquity. But this is exceedingly difficult for modern people to grasp, and it frequently takes a special crisis in their lives to make them understand it.” Quoted from Jung’s  Man and His Symbols

But the sacred marriage cannot take place between a physical woman and man, for it is only when a man or a woman become a whole person in themselves. See Archetype of the Animus and Archetype of the Anima

“When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner as the outer, and the upper as the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male shall not be male, and the female shall not be female: . . . then you will enter [the kingdom].” Quoted from ‘The Gnostic Apostle Thomas’

You do not personally own or create love, for love is not from you but is given to you. It is your birthright, and nobody else can give you the love you already have. For such love is universal, it is the flow of love that comes from beyond our own small personality, and is the urge that enables us to reach out to another person who is not our own kin, or to another creature, is a small awareness of that universal love.

You can go from partner to partner and still not find it. Such love, if it ends, leaves you emptier and more painful than before. But as you discover your own love you find others love you. Love recognises itself and responds.  With or without a partner you are not without love. This homecoming to love has been recognised in all cultures, and is often depicted as the sacred marriage between the male and female elements of your own being that life in the body and the experience of the years have separated. The unfolding of your innate love brings about this inner unity. This unity then shines into the life of others and helps the unfolding of their own love.

The marriage leaves the person united as male and female as shown with the male with a female breast – both united as One.

A sacred marriage – may take many dreams and personal growth to find an actual full marriage in ones inner world. This can be seen also in the integration of the female in the male.

This marriage between the two sides of you is fairly clearly shown in dreams, and even the Bible tells how important this marriage is, “For many are invited, but few are chosen”

Here is a dream showing this wonderful and full union.

 Example: I dreamt I was looking at a very large and old tree. I wondered if I could climb it but couldn’t see any way up it. But I noticed a large area without any bark, like an old wound, and I thought that area would become rotten and so the tree would become hollow and offer shelter to animals and humans.

Then I walked around the back of the tree and saw that the bark was like thick cables about 6-8 inches wide. I could then see a fairly easy way to climb the tree. So, I climbed up and the top of the tree was like a massive bell of a flower, like a crocus shape. And it was light and full of  colour. Suddenly I saw a spirit, a beautiful female. It was the spirit of the tree. At this point I was semi awake, and I wanted to hold the beautiful spirit, but realised that the tree was a representation of my life, and so was the spirit of the tree. The spirit sat on me in a sexual position, so I was lying on my back and she was upright, but there were no sexual movements. She slowly took me into her, I mean the whole me, as if she was sucking my whole body into her. I realised that I had to let go of my personal desires and beliefs because she wanted to take all my experience of life and endeavour into her and fertilise herself to form a baby. So, I was ready to let go and watched her form a new baby, a mixture of her and me.

“At this point I experienced the spiritual marriage, in which one’s personal awareness was merged/married to the Divine. It is difficult to be able to define this experience, but at the time I felt that my being was now linked in a wonderful way of sharing the experience with every woman I had felt care and love for – we were all sharing in the celebration.”

“I could see that it has been an enormous part of my personal growth over the years right the way back to childhood. I have experienced a mystical marriage in myself. I am life – and although that is not true, at the same time it is true. In my being I am Krishna and Radha, Jesus and Mary Magdalene.  In me they both live in a wonderful union of bliss.  I am both the incarnation of godhead and also the worshipper before that wonder.  That this wonder can live in us is beyond my understanding.  That it can take on flesh – and that it does, every time a baby is born – leaves me in a state of wonder. I feel all this because I am that blissful union of Krishna and Radha.  In myself I know the union and the love.  I have been and am that sweet love forever joined. That the very creator of the universe can take on flesh, as it does every time a baby is born, brings me to my knees.  This is beyond belief.  Yet that is what I am seeing and experiencing as the truth.  That is what I am experiencing in myself.  I know that in this very existence, lost as I am in the sensory experiences of the world, and my feelings of isolation and physicality, I am at the same time, at the same moment, the godhead itself in holy union.”

Krishna and Radha               Jesus and Mary

 

 

 

1-4-2 Breath Control

As can be seen in recent videos of ways of controlling anxiety, panic attacks and getting to sleep, breathing in and out of a paper or plastic bag is suggested. This is because we breathe out carbon dioxide and so taking in what we breathe out we build up our intake of it. As carbon dioxide decreases anxiety, panic and enables relaxation it is very useful to be able to do this.

But a much better way of doing this with much deeper results is the held breath. You must realise that you are gradually changing very deeply seated habits that have been with you a lifetime. Taking hold of the breath and controlling it is like taking hold of your nervous system, or body, and gradually altering the way it responds to events and thoughts. It is a bit like taking a wild animal and gently taming it.

The method is called 1-4-2 because you start with an in-breath that you count. So if you started with an in-breath that took a count of 5 you then hold your breath for a count of 20 – that is four times the length of the in-breath. You then breathe out slowly for a count of 10 – which is half the count of the held breath. Therefore a 1-4-2 count. So if your in breath took a count of 10, four times that is 40, and half of that is 20.

To really get the results from this you must start at a low count until you are used to it, and there should be no struggle to hold your breath, only lengthening the count as you find it easy. Start with 10 minutes of the technique and work up to 20 minutes. It will really work if you do this for twenty minutes day. You will need to keep it up for three months then you will notice real change, you can then stop it and only use it if you feel the need.

This is so far the best way of dealing with stress I have used. In meeting people in the media who face a lot of stress they have told me this is a lifesaver for them. I have noticed that it also lowers blood pressure, and it tames the wild animal in us.”

See Slowing the Breath

A Realisation I Had Today

A realisation I had today, while watching the news – a guy in his late sixties was talking about his prostate problem and said when he peed large clots of blood popped out. He said it really scared him.

I have had this several times, because I had the operation on my prostate, I passed clots almost the size of hazel nuts, and I never felt any fear. It makes me think that knowledge is a powerful protector, because my training as a nurse enabling me to realise that a small capillary had burst, and bright red told me it was near the exit and I wasn’t in any danger.

Also I feel that imaginatively acting out things, like losing a limb or dying, (maybe you have to do it again and again until you feel at ease with it) does the same thing. This morning my sight wasn’t working well. Large areas of my vision were missing, so for instance I couldn’t see the time on the clock. I felt that if it gets worse I might lose my sight. Having imagined this several time and come to terms with it, because I have only one good eye, it didn’t scare me, although it made going down the stairs tricky.

Also my view of sight made me realise that the brain is the great interpreter, and it wasn’t working properly (my reading about the brain and sight). So I wondered whether I hadn’t got all my ‘cylinders firing’ so did some squats, about thirty to get my heart pumping a bit faster, getting blood to my brain and eyes. It worked so well my sight became normal quickly.

My thought is to read and imagine intensely about how you actually work and how to adjust if things go wrong? See Life’s Basic Functions – Learn Anatomy & Physiology

Meeting the great unknown about Life – it helps to have a little dog ?

Tony

A Hilltop Experience

“A man, full of his own misery, walked alone along a deserted roadway. What was the point of living if year after year were to be filled with this pain and meaninglessness? Better end it than live such a life. But why should we exist for such darkness, why should we have been brought into being anyway? Thinking thus he climbed a small hillock and looked across bleak winter fields. Apart from a few black specks of birds against the evening sky no other sign of life could be seen. Outwardly the view was to him as lifeless, cold and lonely as his inner world.

Then, in the midst of this blackness of soul, there came to his lips as if of themselves, strange words. Strange because he was not given to repeating them.

Our Father, which art in Heaven,

Hallowed be Thy name.

Thy Kingdom come,

Thy will be done

In earth as it is . .

But he never finished them, for suddenly a love burst upon him which seemed to bathe him through and through, and he wept to be so embraced by it. Then the Love spoke, yet there was no voice, and it showed him things, yet there were no pictures. And what he saw was his life stretching away ahead of him, year after year, as full of the difficulties and restrictions and emptiness as he had been running away from. Then the voice said ‘None of this shall be taken away, for I give you life and its events out of love. It is given that through it you come slowly to develop as a person. For through difficulties you learn strength and discover your own wonder, and through life as a whole you slowly find this Love I have waiting for you. Then, when you are one with the Love, you can take part with Me in Creation.”

What Is A Dream?

“It seemed to me that a dream is like a huge great key that dangles in front of people – a personal experience that can unlock doors of experience and insight. It hangs in front of people but often because of their religion, or belief, they do not take the key to meet themselves. It is the key to their own inner life. What do their political, scientific or religious views say about this key.

There was part of the music here that left a wonderful image in my mind of a great central flash of light radiating like crystals in patterns like a great cross with spokes. At the centre was the transcendent reality of life. As a transcendent reality life simply exists and shines out its being. It is forever beyond definition, yet is ever being enshrined or embodied in some form by the various religions of the world. They point to something beyond them shining forever. They collect around the central radiance like spokes or shapes that are not the reality of life, but which do take form from it.”

There is so much to learn about dreams and how to approach, explore and benefit from them. To understanding your dream, you need to realise that the images in our dreams are just emotions, thoughts, fears, traumas, ideas, and feelings projecting out of you and appearing as images, people, or scenes outside you on the screen of your mind.

Dimensions Of Human Life

Humans live in two very different dimensions. The one most people identify with is the three dimensional physical world of the body. There a lot of rules to learn in this world; when very young we learn not to touch hot things; not to rush out into a road with moving cars. But as adults we have learnt not to step out into space while at a height because we will fall and have a major injury or die.

The second dimension is totally different and is experienced in dreams or deep mental activity. It will surprise many people to realise that in this dimension you have no physical body, although most people are so locked into thinking that their reality is their body, that they create a dream image of themselves. But that is not all they carry with them, because they believe so much that everything is ruled by their body life and experience, they are also terrified of falling in dreams, they believe they can be torn apart by savage animals, also they frighten the life out of themselves with dream images of demons or even the devil, or are horrified of being shot or raped, etc.

Another feature of this dream and imagination dimension is that it often deals with timelessness. Babies and young children live all in timelessness / eternity.  So we already had it but lost it in the maze of words and thinking we created. See HelenK

“At this point I felt as if that great inner mind had opened to me and that I could ask a question of it. I asked to be given words in my own tongue that would clearly explain to others and to children what this path was and what is involved in it. I asked that I might understand clearly what is required of someone taking this inner path to meet the divine, what they will face and what it is about. What shall I say to them? What shall I say to myself?

My experience here was a powerful sense of losing myself. I suppose you could call this loss, the melting away of all that one is. It was a feeling of losing, of letting go of control, of surrendering myself. As this happened to me I had a complete feeling of trust and was able to let myself fall into that nothingness, a nothingness in comparison with my sense of existence anyway. And that is what I learned about the entrance to the path. It is a readiness to drop into that nothingness that is the core of life, and as you drop into it the thoughts, the feeling that you have is, “I love you!” You go to that meeting, that union, that losing of oneself with the feeling of love. And that is marriage. That is the spiritual marriage.”

If you find it difficult to believe the above statements see Dr. S. Grofs book Realms of the Human Unconscious where he covers Plant Identification 181
Oneness with Life and with All Creation 183
Consciousness of Inorganic Matter 184
Planetary Consciousness 185
Extraplanetary Consciousness 185
Out – of – Body Experiences, Travelling Clairvoyance and Clairaudience, “Space Travels,” and Telepathy 186
Spatial constriction of Consciousness 191
Organ, Tissue, and Cellular Consciousness 191
Experiential Extension beyond the Framework of “Objective Reality” 194
Transpersonal Experiences in LSD Sessions 154
Experiential Extension within the Framework of “Objective Reality” 158
Temporal Expansion OF Consciousness 158
Ebryonal and Foetal Experiences 158

But whenever we dream its images are not like real life, because a dream is nothing like outer life where things could hurt you, but is an image like on a cinema screen, so that even if a gun is pointed at you and fired it can do no damage – except if you run in fear; so, all the things that scare you are simply your own fears projected onto the screen of your sleeping mind.

It is also important to realise that every image, every scary or terrifying thing, is taken place inside you, in your mind, as you sleep. This means that every awful animal, every scary thing, or person, is created out of your own fears and must not be seen as outside you as happens in waking awareness. The problem is that we are often scared of or frightened of experiencing our emotions and so they confront us in our dreams. Avoiding them or controlling them is like running away from oneself – there is no escape. See Life’s Little Secrets – Opening to Life

Even so people waking from a disturbing dream or nightmare say, “It was only a dream”; perhaps to dismiss its importance. But even though the scary or difficult images that we create are only images depicting our emotions and fears, yet they are the very things that rule peoples lives. I remember once helping a man to release tensions by letting go of his body, recoiled in horror saying, “If I let go the devil will take over.”

You might not be terrified of the devil or hell, but many are terrified of death, of not being loved, of losing a partner or their job, of having cancer or Alzheimer’s, or haunted by childlike fears, or of not making their mark in life, of not being recognised and living up to parents expectations – the list is endless. In essence we are often victims of such things. See Victim – Avoiding Being My Own 

But people believe they are nothing more than their body and so are trapped in believing they will die if they fall from a great height. Or are trapped in believing that levitation always requires deep concentration and effort beyond any natural ability that you are capable of.’ But you are not fighting gravity because it doesn’t exist in the dream realm. Try it imagining you are on the edge of a precipitous cliff and you step off the edge. What do you feel? Remember it is simply your own imagined image. It is good to try it several times until you master it; you could simply float in space, or fly somewhere effortlessly, or slowly go to the ground.

Dreams Are communications from the mysterious Life We Are

Also, a dream is a communication between what has no recognised form – our core self – as far as our personality or reasoning mind is concerned. So, to do this it uses images of people, things, and animals, as well as scenes that we might understand if we explore what we associate with the dream images. For instance, a man dreamt of a tarot card reader. But in understanding how dreams work the tarot card reader represent his own intuition, because that is what he associates with being psychic. This next example from Oliver, a boy of six, illustrates how such fears as shown in the above example can be met with a little courage. It is a dream which recurred several times, so his description is of a series of dreams.

Example: ‘I am in my bed in my own room and I hear what I know to be a wolf wearing the sort of clogs worn in Lancashire. When the wolf gets to a certain point, there is a bang, and I wake terrified. My Mother’s reassurances do not help. Each night he gets a bit nearer before my panicky awakening. The night came when I know he will reach me. Sure enough he arrives, and the bedroom door – in my dream – is flung wide open with a tremendous bang. There is no one there. I never dreamt it again.’

When something gets nearer to us in a dream, it means that it is moving nearer to consciousness. So, Oliver’s wolf – or at least, what it represents, namely his response to his childhood fears – is becoming ever more conscious. This means he is facing his fear and thereby dealing with it. If he had run away or fought to keep the door closed, then it would have gone on haunting him. When he met it he saw that it was nothing except his fear. The dream therefore was a great teacher.

Dream Images Are Just That – An Image

All the images, people, animals, places we see in our dreams, are simply your own feelings, fears, hopes and wonder projected onto the screen of your sleeping mind as images. So, it makes sense to take the image of your dream person, thing or animal back into you and own it. In that way, you are meeting and dealing with the things about yourself you are not owning or conscious of. That is why dreams are often difficult to understand, because we are hiding things from ourselves. To do this you can use Being the Person or Thing

 Nearly always when people dream about someone they know or a strange new person or situation they automatically believe the dream is about that person, situation, or animal. But when we think of our friend or partner our thoughts are not them – just our thoughts and feelings about them.

So, dream images are ways of communicating via our associations not actual things or people. In the world of dreams our most intimate fears and longings are given an exterior life of their own in the form of the people, objects, and places of our dream.

Therefore, our sexual drive may be shown as a person and how we relate to them; or given shape and colour as an object; or given mood as a scene, something that haunts our memory is shown as a ghost or demon. Our feeling of ambition might thus be portrayed as a business person in our dream – our changing emotions as the sea or a river; while the present relationship we have with our ambition or emotions is expressed in the events or plot of the dream. Even dreams of God or angels are in a sense a meeting with your own higher mental abilities. See – Dimensions of Human Experience; Characters and People in Dreams; you are the projector

What Emotional Age Are You?

You may find this hard to believe, but very few of us have managed to mature emotionally beyond babyhood or childhood.

By adulthood I mean the ability to be very independent and at the same time loving others. It means not being hurt when someone you ‘love’ leaves you, for you are aware of the reality that change happens and are not crucified by it. Dying or death is not a great fear, because you have experienced being alive and know that death is a part of living.

It is also about being adaptable, for if you cannot adapt to change then you are stuck in life situations that otherwise would be crushing. Also fear is a part of being a human animal, it guards us against hurt and pushes us to act with strength, but a mature person does not live in imagined fear as is shown in dreams where people are terrified of ghost, demons, the devil, or zombies, also, it means we have a fair or better level of mental health. See Martial Art of the Mind

As an example of what is stated above, for the last 50 years, the developed world has experienced unprecedented peace, prosperity, and technological comfort. And this is the result. Yet in the U.S., one in four women is taking a prescription drug for mental health.

We are mostly still stuck at an age where we are vulnerable to such things. You would expect people to have become less violent. Instead, starting in the 70’s, there was an explosion of violent crime, which was eventually brought under control only by incarcerating the highest percentage of our citizens of any country in the world. Meanwhile, according to the General Social Survey, from 1972 to 2006, women rated themselves less and less happy each year, as by almost every objective measure their lives improved. Please read Beware of Love; Avoid Being Victims

My view is that we have not realised that we are basically instinctive animals that have attained self awareness, and our culture has not helped us to recognise that we have all the worst of animal instincts without any training to help us transform our reactions – as many tribal people do. Also, we are almost all carrying huge infant traumas from childhood.

When we meet or confront something we are uncertain about, or scares us, that stimulates us sexually, or threatens us, we either react to it emotionally or try to explain it to ourselves in some way. In a sense, we are symbolising the event by giving it an emotional response, or explaining it in words. A recent research report says that the outer world we are so certain is the real world, is not so solidly real as we believe. The colours we are so sure we see comes from certain properties of what we have in front of us, it absorbs some kinds of light and reflect other kinds of light, which are then received by the eye as formless impulses, which are then passed along the optic nerve as formless nerve signals, and then transformed or translated in our brain into a subjective experience of colour.

In fact, our mental faculty, our brain, is a fantastic interpreter – it interprets formless impressions, scary emotions, into things which we feel make sense to us. So, a scary feeling which we have no rational explanation for may be interpreted as the images of an evil entity or zombies. Sometimes if something we are very uncertain about impacts on our senses, we may even interpret it as a flying saucer or an alien abduction. So, please do not think that the image is about real life, everything is a way the human brain interprets impressions, so everything needs investigating – maybe by using Practical Techniques for Understanding Your Dreams;  Being the Person or Thing.

DREAMS IMAGES ARE LIKE ICONS ON A COMPUTER SCREEN

You have to ‘click’ on your dream images to make them come alive. Thinking about them doesn’t work. You need to open yourself to the magic of them. See Clicking On; Being the Person or Thing

I believe a dream is a complete mixture of our personality, with all its likes, dislikes, fears, beliefs, and convictions, as well as a non-personality experience; a bodiless, formless being – like a hole without any forms in it. It is everything, and as everything cannot take form as something so it remains invisible to us – yet it is our creative centre, beyond time and space. So, our dreams come from a formless cause, but to be understood by our brain, our personality, we clothe the dream with images and drama which is an attempt to understand.

The images or scenes are things we unconsciously take in and we build certain ideas or meanings around them. For example, many films show the living dead, zombies, as things to be avoided. So, our dream maker uses them to show how part of our own nature have become almost dead through ignoring them or being frightened of them. See Working with associations

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The aim of this site is to help show you a way to healing and a full life. To make connections between your dreams and your everyday life; to discover more fully the powerful emotions and reactions that unconsciously direct your decisions and responses in waking. To help you discover the wonderful gifts that you may not yet have found in yourself. This is not an attempt to give you merely ideas to play with, to agree or disagree with, like fortune telling. It can lead to real insights which empower you to make more of yourself, and find your way through the many decisions with which life confronts you, if you have courage and fearlessness to be able to use such things.

Useful Links

Latest Features

Women’s Sexual Organ Health

THE MANY WAYS TO A NEW LIFE

What Are Dreams

Your Guru the Dream

Your Guru The Body

Dreams – The Wonderland Of

Learn how to Explore Your Dream

A Note About the Author: Tony Crisp

Opening to Life

Psychological Vomiting

Does the Breakdown of the Brain Mean the Loss of Personality?

Ox Herding Pictures – An ancient path to freedom

Mountain Path

The Many Ways To A New Life

 A Huge Change Happening

Intuition – Using It

Exploring Inner Space

What We Need to Remember About Us

Things I Wished I Had Had Been Taught Earlier in My Life

Things I Want to Show You

Integration – Meeting yourself

What Is Offered In The Dictionary

 

2012 – Prophecies

 A

Advanced Options of Extending Your Intuition 

A Hilltop Experience

 A Huge Change Happening

A Leap Forward in Understanding Dreams

A prisoner of your limitations, or a traveller of wider possibilities

A Realisatioin I Had Today 

 Abreaction

Achieving the good feeling

Acting in your dream

Activation synthesis theory

Active Imagination

Active Imagination and Dreams

Active imagination – Part Two

Active Passive

Adaptive theory of Sleep

Adler, Alfred

Adolescence

A Dream That Changed My Life

Adult Memories of Prebirth

Advanced Options of Extending Your Intuition 

Advice about Breast Feeding

Aesculapius

Africa Sky Stories

African Babies Don’t Cry

African Superstitions About Childbirth Endanger Babies

Age and dreams

Ages of Love

Akashic records

Alcohol – Health Risks

Allowing the Body Speak

Allowing the Spontaneous

Altered States of Consciousness – ASC’s

Am I Pregnant – It’s All Happening

Amniosynthesis

Amplification method

An Approach to Yoga

Anaesthesia the Mind and Dreams

Analysis of dreams

Ancestors

Ancestors 2

Ancestors – The Importance Of

Ancestors –  house of

Ancient Greece – Dream Beliefs

Ancient Wisdom – Cayce

Anger – Dealing With It

Animal – Being It

Animal Children 

Animal phobias

Animals

Animals as dream figures

Animals in Your Dreams

Animals in Your Dreams are Necessary Parts of You

An Old Fools Musings

Anxiety Dreams

Archetype of Business

Archetype of Fear

Archetype of Rebirth or Resurrection

Archetype of the Alchemist

Archetype of the Anima

Archetype of the Animus

Archetype of the Artist

Archetype of the Ascetic

Archetype of the Athlete

Archetype of the Avenger

Archetype of the Baptism

Archetype of the Beggar

Archetype of the Big Bang

Archetype of the Blood

Archetype of the Buddha

Archetype of the Child

Archetype of the Child/Baby

Archetype of the Christ

Archetype of Christmas

Archetype of the Crucifixion

Archetype of the Death

Archetype of the Devil

Archetype of the Father

Archetype of the Female Choice

Archetype of the Fool

Archetype of the Fugitive

Archetype of the God/Goddess

Archetype of the Goddess

Archetype of the Great Mother

Archetype of the Guru/Mentor

Archetype of the Hermit

Archetype of the Hero/ine

Archetype of the Lover

Archetype of the Martyr

Archetype of the Mentor

Archetype of the Mentor or Guide

Archetype of the Messiah

Archetype of the Monk

Archetype of the Mother

Archetype of the Night Journey

Archetype of the Outcast

Archetype of the Paradigm

Archetype of the Prostitute

Archetype of the Queen

Archetype of the Queen Ruler King

Archetype of the Saviour

Archetype of the Scapegoat

Archetype of the Search for Self

Archetype of the Self

Archetype of the Shadow

Archetype of the Shapeshifter

Archetype of the Slave

Archetype of the Teacher

Archetype of the Trickster

Archetype of the Virgin Birth

Archetype of the Void

Archetype of the Wise Old Woman

Archetypes-Links to

Aristides

Aristotle on dreams

Arm Circling Meditation

Art and dreams

Artemidorus

As the twig is bent so the tree grows

Asclepius

Aserinsky, Eugene

Assisted Passage

Associations a Start

Associations-Working With 

Astral body

Audio Recording of Exploring a Dream With Tony

Australian Aborigine dream beliefs

Authentic Self

Autobiography of a Premature Baby

Autonomous complex

Aversion therapy

Avoiding Being My Own Victim

Awake – difficulty in waking sleeper

A Woman’s Love

B

Baby – the inner baby and Child

Baby and Child – Meeting Them

Baby dreams

Baby in Your Dreams

Babylonian dream beliefs

Background and Foreground in Dreams

Bad Dream or Nightmare – Change It

Baptism – Its ancient mystery

Be Warned

Bear

Becoming a Woman

Beginning of Us All

Behavioural modification therapy

Being Born

Being the Person or Thing

Belief We Are Alone

Beliefs

Banting Diet – To Reclaim Heath

Beware of Love

Beyond Limitations

Bible – dreams and symbols

Bibliography of Dreams

Big Bang and God are the Same

Big Bang the Archetype of 

Bio-feedback

Biological dream theory

Birth dreams and ones natal experience

Birth dreams during pregnancy

Black Americans or Black Race

Black magic

Bleached White Flour

Blindness and dreaming

Blindness and seeing in dreams

Bodiless Experience

Body Dowsing

Body Soul & Spirit – Deeper Understanding

Body Soul & Spirit – What is an easy way to understand them?

Bodyless Bodiless

Bonding Period

Books

Books by Tony Crisp

Books Have Souls Too

Boss, Medard

Brain – Does its Breakdown Mean the Loss of Personality or Death?

Brain – left and right hemispheres

Brain levels and dreams

Breakthrough-A

Breath Control the 1-4-2 Method

Breathing In and Out of Labour

Breath – Slowing It

Buddhism and dreams

Buddhist teachings of Life After Death

C

Call of Nature – Nude Sunbathing

Can one really dream the same dream as someone else?

Carrying the dream forward

Catherine and Tony’s Communication

Cause and Effect in our Experience

Cayce, Edgar

Edgar Cayce – His Wisdom

Chakras

Change Adaptation

Changing Your Life

Characters and People in Dreams

Child – helping and healing

Childbirth As Initiation

Children Of Our Dreams

Children’s Dreams

Children’s Traumatic Fears

Chinese dream beliefs

Christianity and dreams

Christian Yoga

Christ – The Inner Path To

Clicking On

Code–The dream as a 

COEX – The Practice Of

Coincidences

Collected Wisdom

Collective consciousness

Collective unconscious

Colour – do we all dream in colour?

Coming from the Light

Communicating With Your Inner Guide

Communicating with Your Unborn Child

 Compensation theory

Computer, dream process as a

Computers and dreams

Computer Games

Conditioned Reflexes

Conflict and division in us

Conjuring Trick

Connected – Am I connected to something bigger?

Conscious Parenting

Conscious Will – Life Will

Consciousness – The mind brain split

Contact – Meeting Your Partner

Context and Theme

Contraction and Expansion

Control-No Control

Core – Does all the work while we dream

Core – Is ones core self connected to anything?

Core Self

Correspondence Between Emily & Tony

Cosmic consciousness

Crazy Behaviour

Create Creative Creativity

Creating a New You

Creative Dreaming

Creative Uses of Dreams

Creativity – Doorway to the Wonderful Fire

Creativity and problem solving in dreams

Criticism –  Answers To

D

Daughter – A Letter To

Day’s End

Dead – But I’m Still Alive – How Come?

Dead People Dreams

Dear Me

Death – Do You Think we can Prepare for it?

Death – Does the concept have the ideas of love attached to it?

Death – Who said it was the End

Death – Eastern traditions

Death – I am wondering what you understand about the subject of life after.

Death of Ego – Ego Death

Death – Steiner Insights After Death 

Death – Steiner’s Wonderful insights into it

Death – What Happens After Death

Death and Life – Exploring It

Death Life After

Death – Your Questions Answered

Death What do you think happens to you when you die?

Death – We Cannot Avoid in Life or Dreams

Death and Life – a series of features

Debi Wanted to be Dead

Defeating Alzheimer’s and Living Longer

Defence mechanisms

Deja vu

Demons and Devil

Depression Dreams

Desensitisation therapy

Dialogue Between or with Two Characters or Objects

Dialogue With a Dream Character or Object

Diamond Body

Diccionario de los Sueños

Did I Become An Alien?

Did You Know About This?

Diet and Yoga for Prolapse

Different Levels of Your Mind

Difficult relationship – how can I recover?

Digestion

Dimensions of Human Experience

Discovering Meditation

Discussion Forum

Displacement

Division – Divisions in us loses our power

Do Children Exist Prior to Conception and Birth?

Do dreams of death mean I am doing to die soon?Do people dream in colour?

Do the dead talk to us in our dreams?Do you actually imagine that a real wolf is there in your dreams?

Do you continue to be surprised by new information regarding this topic?

Does everybody dream?

Does the Breakdown of the Brain Mean the Loss of Personality?

Doors

Dreams Are Much More Than You Can Expect

Dream – Exploring it

Dream – The

Dream as a code

Dream Beliefs

Dream Counsellor

Dream Deprivation

Dream Dictionary

Dream Dictionary – What made you want to create the Online Dictionary?

Dream Exploration – An audio example of Tony exploring a dream

Dream Images – Are not like things in waking life

Dream Images are all Aspects of Your own Mind and Abilities

Dream Incubation

Dream Interpretation

Dream Interpretation – Tests of

Dream is Like a Seed

Dream journal – In order to discover more about my own dreams, I am going to start to record my dreams as I remember them. What do you think about this and do you 

Dream Levels – Understanding Them

Dream Lovers

Dream Magic

Dream Meaning – A quick way to understand your own dream

Dream Meeting

Dream Process – The Influence of it

Dream Sampler – Types of dreams

Dream Sources

Dream Watching

Dream within Dream

Dream Yoga

Dreamer – the

Dreams – Everything About Them

Dreams – Are like strange seeds

Dreams – Are they Meaningless

Dreams – Are They Meaningless?

Dreams – How can we know what they mean?

Dreams – Meeting in

Dreams – Practical Techniques to explore them *****

Dreams – The best method is using Peer Dreamwork *****

Dreams – The Magic Mirror

Dreams – The Way to their Heart

Dreams – The Wonberland Of

Dreams – They are the Greatest University

Dreams and the Art of Mid-Lifery

Dreams are a Huge and Living Mirror 

Dreams are a reflection of your inner world

Dreams are More than Dreams

Dreams are More than Dreams

Dreams are the Greatest University

Dreams are Virtual Realities

Dreams are Virtual Realities

Dreams As Visions

Dreams See into our Far Past

Dreams – Being the Person or Thing *****

Dreams – Clicking On *****

Dreams – Interpreting Them

Dreams – What are They

Dreams What do You bring to them?

Drowning

Drugs an End User

Drugs – How they do affect dreaming?

Dual Being You Are Dual

During pregnancy

Dweller on the Threshold

E

Edgar Cayce

Edgar Cayce – Who Was This Man?

Edgar Cayce Readings – The Philosophy

Edgar Cayce’s Enlightenment

Edgar Cayce – His Wisdom

Ego – Letting go of it or holding on to it?

Egyptian (ancient) Dream Beliefs

Eight Step Method to Manage Intense Emotion

Eileen Garrett 

Electra Complex

Emotions and Mood in Dreams

Encased

Encyclopedia Of Dreams Life and Human Mystery

End User

The Next Step

Energy Sex and Dreams

Enlightened people or who have special healing powers – what do you think of  such people?

Enlightenment

Enlightenment Being or Becoming?

Enlightenment Intensive

Enlightenment is usually seen as a fruit of the spiritual path or a spiritual life, so         what do you see as the spiritual path?

Enlightenment – A Modern Approach

Enlightenment Descriptions of 

Enlightenment How Can I Know it?

Enlightenment What part do thoughts and feelings play in it?

Every 7 Years you Change

Everybodies Birthday

Evil – Exploring the idea of evil

Evil – The Big Con

Evil Spirits Devils & Demons

Ex’s – Dealing With

Ex’s Dealing With

Example – Working a Dream

Example 1 I Ching 

Example 10 Recurring Dreams

Example 11 – Descriptions of Enlightenment

Example 12 finding out what your dream means

Example 13 – Dreams of Hell

Example 14 – Spiders

Example 3 Dream Interpretation 

Example 4 Dream Interpretation 

Example 5 Dream Interpretation

Example 6 Cannot Die in Dreams

Example 7 Out of Body

Example 8 Healing of Pain

Example 9 Virtual Reality

Example of the Wider Life

Example of the Wider Life

Example 2 Dream Interpretation 

Examples of Transforming Dreams

Expanding our awareness – Under what circumstances or conditions can we do          that?

Experiment with changing your dream by using your imagination/visualisation

Explain how people can have visionary experiences, hallucinations or hear       voices while awake

Explain the sleep paralysis and how to move beyond it

Explorations in Wonder

Exploring a Dream

Exploring Death and Life

Exploring Inner Space

Extend

Extending Your Awareness

Eye of Dreams

 F

Fall into that Big Black Hole

Famous people – Dreams of

Fascinating People 

Fasting

Fatherhood At Its Best

Father Christmas Wonder and the Huge

Fathers Are an Essential Part of the Human Environment

Fertility and the Mind Body Connection

Flying

Follow Me Up the Mountain –

Follow Your Dream

Foolish Love

Forgetfulness of Dreams

Freud, Sigmund

Function of Dreaming

Functions of dreams

Fundmental Processes

Future – The

G

Gaining Insights into your Dreams

Gestalt dream work

Ghoulygars

Gladys Taylor McGarey – Pioneer of Pre-Birth Communication

Glossolalia

Gnosticism Gnostic Texts

God and Dreams

God is Found

Going Beyond

Golden Wolf

Great and Ancient Secrets – Part One

Great Dreams That Guide Us

Greatest is Often the Simplest

Greece (ancient) dream beliefs

Grof – How do you connect his work with what you have mentioned else where?

Glossolalia 

Growth – Personal

Guru Dalai Lama Sensei

Gypsy Secrets of Hand Reading

H

Habits

Hadad the Rogue Yogi

Hallucinations and Hallucinogens

Hand/Arm Circling – Entry to the Inner World

Hand of Hope

Have A Break – From What?

Healing Action Within Dreams

Healing Experience

Healing and therapeutic action of dreams

Heart Beats of Prayer

Hebrew/Jewish Dream Beliefs

Hexagrams – I Ching

History of Dream Theories

History-Some More of My Story

Hobson, J. Allan

Holographic Universe

Holy Grail

Honey Plus Cinnamon

Honoring Mother: A Blessing Way Ceremony

Horse

Hostility

House in your Dream

House of the Ancestors – An excerpt from the book

House of the Ancestors – the book

How can I conquer my fears in dreams?

How can I face the fears in my dreams and nightmares?

How can I get answers to my life problems from my dreams?

How can I help my child with his/her dreams and nightmares?

How Can I Integrate The Effects From Parents Grandparents or Ex’s

How can We Talk to the Dead and They can Talk With Us?

How did you become interested in dreams, and have you always been interested in dreams?

How do we know things about people in our dreams?

How I Became A Virgin

How Magical we Are – How Lost We Are

How The Birds Came

How To Give A Flux

Huge Change Happening

Humphrey, Nicholas

Hunger – The Big Hunger

Husband – Lost or Disappears

Hypnosis and dreams

I

I AM – A New You

I Ching

I Ching – How to Throw the Coins to Obtain a Reading  

I Don’t Believe in God – I Know God

I Had Been in the Direction a Thousand Times

I Observe I Believe

Identification and Identity

Identity

Identity and dreams

Identity and Sex

If I dream I have sexual organs of the opposite sex, am I bisexual?

If You Persist in Exploring your Dreams, you will find the Wonder You Are

Illness and Dreams

I’m Not Normal

Imagination and dreaming

Important to understand this action

Incubating dreams

Independence

Individuation

Inducing Breastmilk – with or without pregnancy – men too

Industrial Revolution

Infant Bonding in the Development of Self and Relationships

Infantile “Amnesia” is Dead

Infertility – Causes of

Influencing Your Unborn Child

Information – is there any other interesting things that you think I should know about dreaming?

Inner World Most people are confused about the huge difference between waking and sleeping — The outer and inner world —- The Inner World —– Inner Baby and Child –— In dreams we create an inner Mother  —-– Inner Ex’s —– Inner People –Inner Woman/Female —– Inner Husband  —– Inner Father and Grandfather —– and Grandmother.

Inspiration in dreams

Instincts

Integral Education

Integration – Meeting yourself

Interface

Interface – What does it connect us with?

Interpretation of dreams – influence of

Interpretation, Passions and Core Experiences in Dream Work

Introducción – to Diccionario de los sueños

Introduction-to-using-the-Dream-dictionary

Intuition  – Advanced Options of Extending It

Intuition – Many Ways Of Using It

Intuition – Using It

Intuition in Dreams

IP Address

Iroquoian dream cult

Islamic dream traditions

It is important the 2 wills

J

Jesse Watkins Amazing Experience 

Journey Inwards

Journeying Beyond Dreams and Death

Jung, Carl

Jungle God

Juno – Goddess

K

Karma 

Kasatkin, Vasily

Keyboard Condition

Key words

Kleitman, Nathaniel

Knowing the Baby Before it is Born

Kundalini

L

Language and dreams

Latent Content

Learn from Your Dreams – They are the Greatest University

Learning the brake, gears and accelerator

Learning how to Love – Includes Ages of Love – Recognising the Face of Love – Surviving Love and Relationships – What Attracts us to a Partner – To Love or Not to Love

Learning While Asleep

Left and Right Sides of Brain

Letting go of Your Child

Letting things Happen

Level Confusion

Levels of Awareness in Waking and Dreaming

Levels of the Brain and Dreams

Levels of Your Being

Levels of Your Mind – Learn About the Different Levels

Levels of Awareness in Dreams

Levels Within Us How it Flows

Levitation

Liberating the Body

Life

Life – a View

Life – What Is It

Life After Death

Life After Death? 2

Life And Death – Chapter Links

Life Beyond Change and Pain

Life Decisions

Life In Us Is At Work All The Time

Life Living

Life Spans

Life Will and Conscious Will

Life’s Basic Functions

Life’s Basic Functions – Inner Life

Life’s Difficulties

Life’s Little Secrets

LifeStream

LifeStream – People Experiences Using It

List of Tony’s Poems

List of features about Tony

Listening Skills

Looking Beyond What The Eyes Can See

Love as a Way

Love – Learning How to 

Love – A Woman’s 

Lowy, Samuel

LSD – Hypnosis – Meditation and the Dream

LSD Makes the Brain More Complete

Lucid Dreaming

Lucid Waking Dreaming

Lucidity

Lucidity – awake in sleep

Lucidity – the new frontier

Lumpkin – The Baby Who Became Tony

Lumpkin and the Magic Pouch

M

Macedonian Dream Traditions

Magic Mirror of Dreams

Magic Mushrooms

Magic Mushrooms – 2

Magical Dream Machine

Mammal Brain

Man Exploring Life

Man in Your Dreams

Man who Didn’t Dream

Man With The Dark Head

Mandala

Many Facets Of Dreaming

Many People We Have Inside Us

Many Ways To A New Life

Martial Art of the Mind

Mary – The Way Of

Massive Info About You

Masters of Nightmares

Masturbation

Mate Mating

Mean Meaning

Meddis, Ray

Meditation – Lhag Thong

Meditation With Seed – Try this remarkable meditation

Meeting in dreams

Meeting the Unknown

Meeting yourself

Meetings with an Unborn Child

Meetings with the Christ

Melodrama of Love

Memory and Dreams

Menopause – A woman’s meeting with it

Menstruation and dreams

Mental Illness

Mesopotamian dream beliefs

Messages From the Dream World

Method to Shorten Labour

Midwife, Intuitive, and Healer: A Conversation with Teresa Robertson

Mind – Does it Reach beyond the Body?

Mind and Movement

Mind Control

Mind of a Newborn

Mindread Mind Reading Telepathy

Miracle

Miscarriage and Vitamins

Modern Physics and Myth – A Dream within a Dream

Monitors of the Unconscious

Moreno, Jacob

Mother Child Bonding

Motherhood is a Spiritual Path

Mother’s funeral – You told me that when you were at my mother’s funeral, something happened to you that was very impressive. What was that?

Mountain of Love

Mountain Path

Move Toward Pleasure

Movements during sleep

Movements of Life

Movements to Aid in Pregnancy

Murdering or Killing Parents

Mushrooms and Hallucinogens

Music and Perinatal Stress Reduction

Mwanga Flies To The Moon

My Body is a Moving Sea

My Books

My Experience of Yoga

My Journey Through Dreams

My Life in Death

My Needs As a Premature Baby

My own Experiences

Mysterious Power of Children-To-Be

Mystery of Parenthood

Myths legends and fairy tales in dreams

N

Naskapi Indian Dream Beliefs

Native American Dream Beliefs

Nature vs Nurture Debate

Near death experience

Next Step – Understanding Dream Levels

Nietzsche, Friedrich Wilhelm

Nightmares

Nightmares, abstract

Normal – To be normal you might be missing out on something

Norman Cousins – Dealing with anxiety

 Not Enough Information given to understand your dream

Nothing Can Hurt You in Your Dreams

Nothing is Permanent Except Change

Not Seeing

Nutrition and Dreams

O

Occultism and Dreams

Old age and dreams

Old Fools Thoughts About Love

Opening to Life

Opening yourself to your bigger you.  How would you describe what happens when you do?

Origin of things. How would you describe it?you describe it?

Our Past or Present

Our Reaction to meeting the Huge that we Are

Out of body experience

Ox Herding

Ox Herding Pictures – An ancient path to freedom

P

Painless Childbirth

Pain – Nothing can hurt you in a dream

Pandora’s Jar – Box

Parallel Universes – Do they Exist?

Paralysis while asleep

Parenthood – The Mystery of

Parenting is a spiritual path

Parenting Yourself

Past Dwelling Places

Pass The Blackberry Pie

Pathways – There are many beaten down pathways through our inner jungle

Patrick O’Conner’s Vision

Peer Dream Work

Peer Dream Work – Carrying Dream Forward

Peer Dream Work – Using The Body to Discover Dream Power

Pentecost

People – When we dream of a person we are not interacting with them, but are using the image of them to reflect all the memories we have of them, the love or pain, and also what we learned in the relationship with them.

People Animals and Objects of our Dreams are all Projections

People Who Fascinate

People in your dreams

People’s Experience of LifeStream

Perls, Fritz

Persisting in the Magic Mirror of Your Dreams they will Show You the Wonder That You Are

Personal Growth

Personality

Perspectives – On the Primary Connection Between Parents and child

Philosophy From The Edgar Cayce Readings

Philosopher’s Stone

Philosophy of dreams

Psychological Vomiting

Physics – new physics and the mind

Physics has shown that we change things by looking at them. What are the implications of that?

Plot of the dream

Poems – Tony’s

Possession and Dreams

Potential

Power Dreaming

Practice of Coex

Prebirth Meetings with your Baby

Precognition

Predators

Predicting future occurrences – to what extent do you believe that dreams can do so?

Pregnancy – Being Movement – 2

Pregnancy dreams

Premature Birth and Postmature Birth

Pre-menstrual tension

Problem solving dreams

Processing dreams

Programmed 

Prophecy of The Star Beings

Prophetic dreams

Psychic faculties in dreams

Psychodrama and dreams

Psychological Vomiting

Psychotherapeutic Experience of Premature Birth

Psychotherapy – A hard look

Public Toilet No. 1

Pygmy Model for Beautiful Parenting

Q

Quantum – A Huge Change is Happening

Quantum Physics

Questions – With Countless Answers

Questions Answered

Questions You Asked

R

Razor’s Edge

Reaction to Meeting the Huge We Are

Reaction to the unconscious or also The Unconscious

Recurring dreams

Red Indians dream beliefs

Reincarnation – Do you believe in?

Reincarnation and dreams

Reincarnation or remembering former lives? Or were they tapping into a collective consciousness?

Relationship and dreams

Relationships – What we can learn from relationships

Relaxation – The Full Method

Releasing Your Inner Genius

Relaxation – Method of

Religion and dreams

Religious themes

Remembering dreams

Remembering My Birth

Reproduction

Reptilian Brain

Resistances

Resources – Do I have any?

Revere Reverence

Rhijn, Van

RISC method

River

Rocking during sleep

Roman Dream Beliefs

Running Meditation

S

Sacred Marriage

Satisfy Yourself in Dreams

Sea

Secret Bible

 Secret of the universe dreams

Secret of Time and Satan

Secrets the Body Knows

Secrets Learned from Dreams

Secrets of Power Dreaming

Seduction Seductress Seduce

Seed

Seed Group – It Enables Us to Discover Our Creative Self

Seed Meditation

Seitai – The Japanese Teach It

Self – It appears in our dreams as a guardian angel or a great spiritual being.

Self – What is the Self

Self Acceptance

Self body images

Self Help

Self-Help Techniques To Use

Self Hypnosis

Self Images

Self Observation 

Self-regulation in dreams and fantasy

Sequential dreams

Serial dreams

Series of dreams – working with

Serpent – the translation of the Biblical Serpent

Seven Levels of Us

Sex – Getting Better Sex Life through Dreams

Sex and dreams

Sex and Energy

Sex and identity

Sex while asleep

Sexercise

Sexual Misery of the Arab World

Shadowy Figure

Shake -Shaking

Shakers and Quakers

Shaktipat- The Indian Way to Enlightenment

Shaman

ShapeShifter

ShapeShifter – Archetype of

Signs of consciousness in People who are Considered Vegetative

Simple truths

Sleep – need for

Sleep apnea

Sleep Paralysis

Sleep walking

Slowing the Breath

Snake

Snake Dreams

Snake Dreams – The Dowflowing and Upflowing Life Energy

Some More of My History

Soul

Soul – What is it?

Sources of dream information that you can recommend that are credible and I can use while researching?

Spanish Dream Dictionary – Diccionario de los Sueños

Spells put on us

Spinoza’s God

Spirit-Child: The Aboriginal Experience of Pre-Birth Communication

Spiritual life in dreams

Spiritual Versus Biological Paternity

Squatting and Standing Meditation

Stand in Role of Character or Object

Star Beings – What are they?

Star Daily

Steiner, Rudolph

Story Behind The Steel

Sub-personality

Subud

Sugar Linked to Birth Defects

Summing Up 

Sunny Days

Super Heroes and Mythical Creatures

Super Minds

Supersenses

Surviving Love and Relationships

Suspended Between Death and Life

Symbol and the Reality

Symbolism of dreams and their imagery

Symbols and dreaming

Symbols and Shapes

Synchronicity

T

Take Everything in your dream into You

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – Hedgehog Thoughts

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – Peter And Misty Mouse

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – Peter Goes To Church

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – Peter Meets Sleepy

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – The Hedgehog Who Lost His Reasons

Tales of Peter the Hedgehog – Trouble is His Middle Name

Talk to the Dead and They can Talk With Us?

Talking as a Dream Character

Talking in sleep

Talking with a Dream Character or Animal

Talking with those who have passed on 

Teenage girl’s love dreams

Teenage male dreams

Teenager

Temple for Lost Babies

Test Test Testing

The adventure of the dream world

The Animal Communicator

The Boy and I

The Christmas Story

The Con About Evil

The Descending Divine Energy

The Dream – Explored

The Dream World Revolution

The Feman

The First Vision

The Flesh and the Love

The Friendly Ghost

The Fundamental Process

The Future

The Great and Ancient Secret

The Great and Ancient Secret – part 8

The Great Rising

The Greatest is Often the Simplest

The Guru Figure

The Hand

The Healing Experience

The Hidden Bible

The House of the Ancestors

The Inner Path To Christ

The Keyboard Condition

The Leap from Instinct to Self Awareness

The Licked Hand

The Life Plan

The Life Will

The Life Will and the Human Personality

The Light In My House

The Limbic Imprint

The Magical Dream Machine

The Many People we Have Inside Us

The Many Ways To A New Life

The Maternal Womb: The First Musical School for the Baby

The Mystery of Parenthood

The Near Birth Experience: Talking with Jerry Bongard

The other polarity of our awareness

The Power That Transforms Lives

The Promise

The Razor’s Edge

The Reaction to meeting the Huge that we Are

The Rock Beast

The Sacred Shrine

The Search Box top right of the page is for the word you are researching

The Seed and You Growing

The Secret Bible

The Shepherd’s Flute

The Slow Breath

The Spinal Brain

The Steel

The Story The Rain and Wind Tell

The Time of the Quickening

The Tree of Life – The Spine

The Unknown God

The Way of Mary

The Way Within

The Wider Life

The Ten Day Voyage

Themes – Understanding Them

Therapeutic use of dreams

Therapy as a reprogramming of yourself 

There is even more of you

The Secret Bible – The Kabbalah

Things Forming Us

Things I Wished I Had Had Been Taught Earlier in My Life

Things I Want to Show You

This is How it Was

Thought and Words

Thoughts about Our Destiny

Thrown out of school

Time and dreams

Time For Myself

Time of the Quickening

Time to Grow Up by Tony Crisp

Tiredness after Sex

 Tony Crisp – The Many Sides of T

Tony’s Biographical Information

Tony’s Books

Tony’s Experience of Stroke

Tony’s Story 

Tony’s Voice of Intuition

Touched by Wonder

Trackless way 

Transformation

Trapped – What traps us?

Traps – More to learn about them

Trauma

Trauma – Children’s Traumatic Fears

Trauma – Examples of

Trauma – What Can We Do About It

 Tree of Life the Spine & Back

Tree – Its Sacred Place in Myths and Dreams

Truths about Lucid Dreaming

Tsunami

U

Unclean Island

Unconscious

Unconscious The

Unconscious – What Is It 

Unconscious, what do you mean when you mention it?

Unity – Brings peace and power

Unknown God

Using Spontaneous Voice

Using symbols to change habitual life problems

Using Your Voice

V

Vagina and Uterus/Womb

Vibrate Vibrating

Victim – Avoiding Being My Own 

Videos of Tony

Violence in the Womb

Virgin

Virgin – How I became One

Virgin – Mary

Virtual Reality and Dreams

Vitamins – Little Wonders

Voice – Using It

Void

Void – Archetype of the

W

Waking and Inner Life

Waking life

Waking Lucid Dreaming

Walk on Part in Dreams

Water Wonderland

Way of the Shaman

Weaning

Weave Weaving

We are all Victims

We Are At War

We are like a creature that cannot exist without other things

We are many things – some of which we find alien to us

We are Paralyzed

We Cannot Avoid Death in Life or Dreams

We Lived in Heaven – Sarah Hinze on Pre-Birth Experiences

We lose Control and our Voluntary Muscles are Paralyzed

What Are Dreams

What are Impressive Experiences I have Experienced?

What Are We Addicts Of?

What can I do If I keep having nightmares?

What causes restless legs?

What do You bring to Your Dreams?

What does it mean when you talk in your sleep?

What does the animal in my dream mean?

What Dreams May Come

What Happens When I Die?

What I have seen in dreams

What is a Dream?

What is life about

What is the most interesting dream that you have been asked about?

What is the most interesting dream that you have had?

What Is The Point Of Life?

What is the point of predictive dreams?

What Is Psychic Development?

What Is The Unconscious

What Language Does My Child Understand?

What makes me move or fight in my sleep? 

What on Earth is Going on in the World?

What process do you go through in order to determine the meaning behind people’s dreams?

What we need to know about Ourselves

Where did I come from?

Who Am I and Who Are You

Why do I keep dreaming about my dead husband or my Ex?

Why do I keep having the same dream?

Why do some Christians say dreams are the devils work?

Why does my lover/partner reject me in my dreams?

Why try to Avoid Death

Wider awareness

Wisdom – Collected

Wisdom in us as Old as Time

Woman – Becoming One

Woman’s Pain  

Women’s Creative Power

Women’s Sexual Organ Health

Wonderland of Dreams

Wonders of Your Mind Superminds 16

Word analysis of dreams

Word play and puns

Words from your Depths

Work – Can this direction work?

Working With Dreams

X

Y

YES – You CAN Dream a New Life

Yield 

Yoga and dreams

Yoga and Relaxation

Yoga in Dreaming

Yoga in Japan 

Yoga in Japan 2

You Are a Dual Being

You are More than you Presently Know

You are the projector

You could be a Wolf, or a Human, or a Star

You Want a Daddy don’t You

Your Amazing Circle

Your Amazing Life Journey

Your Genesis Unveiled

Your Guru The Body – Part One

Your Guru the Dream – Step One

Your Immense Resources

Your Story – My Story

Your Worst Enemy Can be Your Best Friend

Z

Zombies

 

Old Fools Thoughts About Love

Love and attraction for a partner are full of strange feelings. These feeling are made weird largely by the ideas and feelings we have inherited from our culture – love for ever lasting; the Right one; Soul Mates – and other strange ideas. From the view of Spirit that I have tried to look at life from, we are all whole and have no need of sexual partners or marriage.

“..for people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” Matthew 22:30

The Way Within

Musings of an Old Guy

At this point I felt as if that great inner mind had opened to me and that I could ask a question of it. I asked to be given words in my own tongue that would clearly explain to others and to my children what this path was and what is involved in it. I asked that I might understand clearly what is required of someone taking this inner path, what they will face and what it is about. What shall I say to them? What shall I say to myself?

My experience here was a powerful sense of losing myself. I suppose you could call this loss, the melting away of all that one is. It was a feeling of losing, of letting go of control, of surrendering myself. As this happened to me, I had a complete feeling of trust and was able to let myself fall into that nothingness, a nothingness in comparison with my sense of existence anyway. And that is what I learned about the entrance to the path. It is a readiness to drop into that nothingness that is the core of life, and as you drop into it the thoughts, the feeling that you have is, “I love you!” You go to that meeting, that union, that losing of oneself with the feeling of love. And that is marriage. That is the spiritual marriage.

This linked with what I had already met in regard to needing a female partner. My experience was of, for the first time ever, being ready to completely die, to completely lose myself in the merging. In doing so I experienced the loss of self, the death of self, leading to the emergence of new life. Isn’t that what procreation is about fundamentally?

So, the entrance to the path comes about because you love Life. You love it enough to die to it. You trust it enough to allow your being to lose itself in that ocean. You trust it enough and love it enough to give yourself too it totally. Strangely, you love this action that appears to be threatening your existence. And all of this is so relevant to our everyday experience of love and sex.

I was laughing here because I experienced the loss of self and said, “Meltdown”. I was laughing because I saw that what survives meltdown is the important thing. What is left when meltdown has occurred is the thing that survives. No matter what shit you believed before meltdown, it is only what is left that has any validity. What you were, who you believed you were, up to that point, is in the end a load of crap because it didn’t survive. It is like melting ore, the gold is what is left. The important thing is what survives.

So, here I am and I say hello to the survivor. I say hello to you who can say ‘I love you’ at the doors of death.

I committed myself. I need to remember that. I am not sure if I had said it clearly in my language for my children, but I need to say to my them and to those who tread this path, “This is an ancient path. It was first opened by people who were outcasts from their tribe, or their race. Maybe they were outcasts because of disease or illness. They deepened this path because they either descended into despair or developed a new life, a new awareness, a new relationship with themselves and the world. They changed something inside of themselves, and that change became a possible new pattern for other human beings.

Some of these people, in today’s world would be judged as crazy or unbalanced in some way, perhaps fanatics. If we look back into the past we see there were groups of people living the life of hermits in deserts or in isolated places. Some of them tortured themselves in various ways, such as starvation or flagellation. It was out of such strangeness that a new type of inner life developed; a new way of relating to the world arose. Of course, those early pilgrims on that path were unclear about what they were doing, and were often confused, and so included many strange and unnecessary practices.

But through their lives they began to form the possibility of a new direction for human beings. It became a flow of energy; or at least a pathway that energy formed, like a river creating a riverbed as it flows. It could be described as a pattern that was etched into human nature, or just nature, in some way. Life itself moves in that way. Whenever a new form offers survival it has life. And although it does not necessarily lead to reproduction in the normal sense, it does lead to caring and giving of oneself. It does lead to another form of survival, that of entrance into an awareness of one’s eternal core. I felt that deep in the levels of consciousness, in what Jung called the collective unconscious, such a new pattern developed and established itself.

This new pattern leads to compassion. You realise more and more fully the vulnerability of human nature and its many failings.

What opens the path to you is that you have given up on everyday life in some way. Maybe you have seen the fruitlessness of it or the illusions that many of us live under. Perhaps you have felt there is something more to being human than is lived or displayed in the everyday world of human society. That is all it takes, and that you are ready to open your being wholeheartedly to the mystery that lies at the core of you.

Here it struck me that how I was seeing the path was probably from a very different viewpoint than many people. I believe this came about because I was quoting something about the archetype of the dark night. The person I was quoting really went to town on describing how terrible it was, how much suffering there was, the tortures of hell etc. At the time it struck me that there was something odd about it, but it was only now that I began to recognise that some people actually identify with certain aspects of this. They emphasise such things as what somebody is going to lose, how they might lose their physical beauty, how they might lose their sense of self, that they will meet powerful emotions, as if that is some terrible torture. And so I wonder if these people have actually met this experience or are they simply fantasising about what other people have written of it.

I don’t have that sense of it. I see it as something radiant. What does it mean though? What can come of it? I suppose the question is really, what can’t come of it. It is life! What do we want to create with it? Here is this divine power flowing through us at every moment and each second we direct it in one way or another, and it can be anything.

I returned to the question – what do I say to my children? I need to say to them that this path bequeaths no outward honours. But you know you are amongst brothers and sisters, even if they are not close at hand. You know you are involved in something of incredible antiquity. It has involved all races and all periods of history. It has never been bounded by any one faith, any one philosophy or way of life. And those who have walked this path have felt they are kin to life itself. If they did not use that term, then they knew they were related to the mystery that underlies existence. They were kin to life rather than identifying themselves through the actions and creeds of their fellow human beings. It is an ancient order, and our family have been priests of it – some of us have chosen to be priests of it – for many generations.

As I was experiencing the above a sudden spontaneous image played in my mind. It was a small and lively creature, like a tree squirrel, running to me with a feather in its mouth to give to me. It was a rainbow coloured feather, a gift and an assurance of my place in the rainbow tribe.

Somewhere here I went very deep and experienced a very powerful vision or insight. It wasn’t in the form of images but as a direct knowing. And yet the knowing seemed to include many details. I understood, with a great thrill, that a new paradigm had matured deep in the collective mind of humanity. In seeing it I understood that my inner partner and I had been an active part in helping the development of this new paradigm. In some strange and wonderful way our very coming together and the birth and nurturing of our spiritual child was part of this development. I understood that our child was now the very substance of this new paradigm. It wasn’t that my partner and I were the sole influence in building or helping this new paradigm to form. Countless others had also made this and given their life and energy in its formation. Nevertheless, we had been a very definite part of it.

But as the understanding of it filled me I saw that our part in it was just to build a particular aspect of it. Our child had matured beyond us and was far more inclusive than we had been or are. For this paradigm included a whole realm of human change that human beings are trying to move toward, inclusive of social, political, agricultural and personal change.

As I watched I saw that this new paradigm was now mature and secure. I could see something amazing happening that was difficult at first to believe, and yet somehow I could see it working. I could see that the mass of human beings live within certain mental beliefs that are common to their culture. They are quite unconscious of this, usually believing that their view of life is something they have developed themselves rather than something they exist within and partake of without awareness. I saw that this new paradigm, active and formed in the deeps of the collective human consciousness, was already impinging upon a mass of human beings. I could see that as they slept the new paradigm worked on them in their dreams and their unconscious life. It was penetrating them almost as if it was re-programming them. This was the strange part because it seemed to me that they would wake, perhaps not simply change from one day to the next, but certainly changed and they wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t really see that any change had happened. They would however be looking at life differently because the new view had gradually re-programmed the way they saw life.

I also experienced that in our union, a very deep spiritual togetherness had formed between my partner and I. I could feel the serpent power, the plumed Serpent, flowing through us, transforming us. I knew at that time that my inner partner was being transformed as I was because of our link.

Then something equally strange came about. I was being called into the very heart of the paradigm. This is something I would never have thought or imagined. My imagination of extended spiritual life was certainly not into an archetype of any sort such as this paradigm. I had of course experienced and imagined that transformation would be into the spirit of life. But here I was being called into this developing new force in human nature. It was doing this because most of my life had been given to its development in one way or another, so in a real sense my being was already a part of it, as were many other people. Now though, I had the opportunity to die as this limited old man and my essence pass into this new power in human life, so that the best of who I am could be active in many more lives and become a new being.

I agreed with this without any knowledge of where it would lead. I agreed because everything I understood about it seemed so right, and had such a direct link with all that I had lived and tried to be. This new life, I felt, was also offered to my inner partner.

Now I met feelings about the commercial influence, or the influence of commerce on nature. Nature itself, I felt, groans under the impact.

Nature is moving toward ridding itself of this parasite that is clutching its dirty hands right into you. It is going to suck at you in any way it can to earn a living. Long suffering nature. Long, long suffering nature. Nature is our own body. As we abuse and misuse it so sickness develops. So, many people will develop cancerous growths where there once was life. The breasts the ovaries, the testicles the prostate. They have been abused for so long. We need to recognise what we do as unhealthy.

I don’t want a mechanised life. I don’t want to be part of a huge mechanised food machine. Because in the end you are not only treating nature and the animals as if they are machines to be plugged in and run without care for the processes and drives that have taken millions of years to develop, those attitudes also are impinging on your own life, on your own children, on your own reproductive faculties. Are you and your children simply resources to be eaten up and used by huge commercial companies? Do you want your ovaries and sperm measured, dictated, controlled by huge pharmaceutical companies? And yet here are so many people handing their genitals, their emotions and their body over to these companies to control.

The contents of much of the food we now eat are dictated by commercial interests – such things as shelf life, quantity of sales, and often unhealthy desires in those who buy the goods.

The mother is the supreme guardian of her eggs. They are a her sacred trust, her treasure, her ancient and wonderful heritage. Each woman must judge, through inner searching and questioning, what her deepest being shows her about how to relate to and care for that treasure. She must penetrate the motivations of those who attempt to take control of the reproductive faculties Are they benign, or of their activities directed by commercial interests in profit motives? Are they perhaps, as in past ages, a disguised predator?

What you want done with your eggs and your children is your choice. It is true that through that choice you create your future. You create your future and the future of the world. Tread carefully with life.

A sudden insight here about choices. I saw that each of us in our decision-making are quantum probability generators. This is especially so in choices about how we handle our sexuality and reproductive functions. The choice to have or not to have a child, to bear or to abort, alter the very future. On those moments of decision whole new futures are built or destroyed. The moment of decision is an unbelievable point of flux. Around that moment infinite possibilities surge. They break through into moving toward reality, or they are pushed back and remain a mere potential. If we could actually view this as a process we would witness an astounding play of energies and possibilities. And often, we, in our ignorance, play with these mighty forces as if they were games to be amused by, or simple sensory pleasures that can be used without any consequence in our lives or in the loves of others.

The Guru Figure

“In my dream I had the definite sense it was a yoga or Eastern seminar inside the room, and I was watching a man. Pausing he stood in front of the open door and with feet fairly wide apart, bowed his head right to the floor, with hands held in a salute. This presented his bare behind to my view. His clean and hairless rectum was very evident. In writing this down though, I realise there was no view of genitals.

In working on the dream I first felt the posture to be one of surrender or acknowledgement of a teacher. But it was also a very powerful stance, and had in it the bums up sign. I imagined going into the room as the man. As him I felt intelligent, confident, willing to reserve my opinions to learn. In the room an Eastern man in robes and regalia sat on a stage. Many people sat on the floor as if meditating. The guru figure was not saying anything. I had the sense of people trying to get wisdom from him, even if he were not speaking – as if his silence held wisdom. I sat and opened to learn what this personage was communicating. As I looked he winked at me. I felt this was a communication, as was his silence. He simply sat and looked around the room. Occasionally he ate something, then got up and left.

Video – Snake Bite

Your Amazing Circle

If we place you at the centre of a circle and put all your dream characters, animals and objects around the edge of the circle, and if we add to this all the many things that impact upon us such as peoples influence on you; your thoughts and emotions and how you are swayed by them; your physical urges such as hunger and sex, the many bacteria and viruses you constantly interact with and of course pain and pleasure; your desires such as ambitions, your sense of being a success or failure, the films, adverts and things that grab your attention, the books you love, the art and music that speaks to you, and the hundred and one other things that hit you as you stand in the middle, as well as your intuition, social pressure, hormonal influences, fears, ideas and images from media or people, your instinctive drives etc., we would see what a diverse mass of influences we stand in the middle of.

Looking Beyond What The Eyes Can See

A quote from my book Coincidences

We all live in the midst of this amazing mystery that is life. Sometimes we glimpse beyond the surface of this mystery into greater dimensions. The glimpses we gain, given form and cultural context by our interpretative brain, nevertheless they give us wonderful insights into the less physical places of life. They show us that life is a continuum, and love links us with others we may have thought were dead and gone.

A couple were worried about their young daughter, Carol, witnessing the deterioration of her grandmother, who was in her eighties and dying from the effects of heart disease, arthritis and old age. As the grandmother was being cared for in the home, it was easy for Carol to enter the bedroom to be with her grandmother. But the parents discouraged their daughter from spending too much time with her grandmother, as they thought it was an awful sight for a nine year old to see. Nevertheless, finding herself drawn to be with her grandmother, Carol went to her one day, but returned to her parents within a few minutes with a puzzled expression. ‘Mommy,’ she said. ‘There are two grandmothers. I saw two gran­nies in the room. First I talked to granny and then a lighted lady named Beth came and talked to me and granny. Then they left together.’

When the mother went with Carol into the grandmother’s room, they discovered that she had died. Carol’s simple and clear description of what she had seen changed her mother’s view of death. Especially so as Carol did not know that her great grandmother’s name was Beth.ii The false name of Carol is added by the author. iiii Paraphrased from Closer to The Light, by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

The coincidental aspects of Carol’s vision were that Beth was the name of her great grandmother, and that Carol saw what she did at the moment of her grandmother’s death.

Critics of this might say that Carol had most likely heard the name Beth at some time, and that she hallucinated the vision of her two grandmothers leaving the room. The argument about having heard the name Beth is an insoluble one. Any critic can argue that a person’s memories are false, and there is no answer that will convince the critic otherwise. But the question of hallucinations in connection with such experiences, or even with drugs is no longer permissible. The suggestion is that we are prone to create almost any imagery we like, and that drugs create imagery completely unrelated to the psyche of the person. Years of research into unconscious functioning and imagery show that every fantasy is linked very directly to the psyche of the person, and that drugs do not bend this rule. Anybody who has explored the unconscious deeply will have personal experience of this. iiiiii See: Realms of the Human Unconscious, by Stanislav Grof. LSD Psychotherapy by W. V. Caldwell. Myself and I, by Constance Newland.

Kastenbaum, in exploring the viewpoint of critics, mentions the occurrence of negative and even terrifying imagery in connection with some near-death-experiences, as a possible indication of them being simply the brain’s method of fantasy in a high stress situation. In this theory the NDE is seen as a way of removing ones awareness from a stress event. The critical question asked is that if the NDE experience is a real perception of a world existing after death, then why do some people see this world full of demonic figures and as terrifying?

Dreams are more than dreams

Sometimes such questions seem naïve, especially when asked by said professors and doctors. I mean by this that it is common experience in everyday life that we observe a wide variety of responses to the world. Some people suffer high anxiety about even such common an experience as riding in, or driving, a car. For others the experience is pleasurable or stimulating. If we were to put these differences in response into imagery, the first would be hellish, and the other heavenly. Also, in any subjective experience, such as an NDE, or when the threshold between conscious and unconscious weakens, one meets imagery related to trauma that has not been dealt with. Stanislav Grof’s description of people meeting birth trauma is convincingly that of hell and demons.iviv See: Realms of the Human Unconscious, by Stanislav Grof. Meeting a near-death-experience is no different. Any traumas or fears you had not dealt with in life, would be met as the threshold broke down. These fears and traumas would be presented, just as dreams present them, as real external environment and events. In ancient occult teachings of the Western tradition, this was called meeting the Guardian of the Threshold. The guardian required you to meet the negative aspects of your past experience and actions before you could reach the positive wider life. Isn’t this exactly what people describe when they give details of a full life review as they are dying? 

 

Fortunately, many so-called ‘hallucinations’ provide synchronistic information, and so cannot be discarded as simply fantasies aiding the person to disassociate themselves from pain and fear, or as a stress response. One of the most powerful of these is described in Closer to the Light by Dr. Morse. It was told to him by a physician who had witnessed the case.

A pregnant woman, Andrea, experienced difficulties during the delivery of her baby. vv Andrea is a false name given by the author.  The placenta was separating prematurely, and the baby’s head was at an angle to make its delivery extremely difficult. When the child was eventually born it was discovered that he had a severe brain haemorrhage. His condition was so bad he had to remain in the intensive care unit of the small hospital. Andrea did not want him moved to a larger hospital as she wished to be near him at all times. The doctors caring for him did not press her to make the move as he was so ill, and no treatment was possible. Besides the brain damage the baby boy had severe cerebral palsy and seizures. An EEG showed the abnormality. Dr. Morse says that, ‘These are afflic­tions from which children simply don’t recover. If they survive infancy, they spend their lives severely retarded.’ Andrea was told the diagnosis but she stayed with her baby nearly 24 hours a day for months.

While Andrea was with her child late one night, she looked up and saw a ‘being of light’ enter the room. She describes the being as having the same form as a human, but not decidedly male or female. It glowed with a pale light as it spoke to her. ‘Your son will be all right’, it said, assuring her that her son would be normal. As the glowing being spoke to her Andrea felt as though love poured into her body in a marvellous way. It so deeply impressed Andrea that the next morning she told the attending medical team what had happened, and persuaded them to do another EEG to see if any change had actually occurred. When the brain-wave test was completed, it showed that Andrea’s deeply sick child was completely normal, having made a full recovery.vivi Paraphrased from Closer to The Light, by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

 

Fantasy might be an image of the real

For some people, mention of beings of light probably evokes thoughts that some people just have to embellish life with fairy lights and Easter bunnies. Fortunately the fact of Andrea’s son’s complete recovery shows that a process of enormous change was at work, and not just wishful thinking. The real process of change that Andrea confronted late that night might have been depicted in quite a different way if Andrea had been born in a different culture. As a Hindu she may have seen it depicted as one of the many Gods, such as Shiva. As mentioned above, our process of creating meaning out of impressions received through our senses, or from our unconscious, is one that forms apparently real people and environments that seem to be exterior to us. If we get lost in whether there is actually a being of light who has blonde hair and blue eyes, we may completely miss the point. That point is that Andrea sensed a great change acting upon her son, and felt the power of that change. Her unconscious process of image formation pictured this as a being of light. Her experience, and the message she received, coincided with actual change in her son. That change, Andrea connected with the power of love.

I am not in any way trying to suggest there are not wonderful intelligences – beings – of a different order to our experience of life in the physical body. My comments are simply to show that if our critical mind prevents us from opening to the power of coincidence that links us with loving change because of the words ‘beings of light’, then there are other ways of looking at the experience. Ways, hopefully, that will let even the most rational among us, open to the mystery of life, however it might be explained.

Coincidences link us with that mystery and with the power that might somehow enter our life from that mystery. If people in the past, and today, kneel before that mystery, then perhaps their attitude arises from a sense of its wonder. If so, then I share that wonder and awe, and feel love when confronted by it, just as Andrea did. If there are beings, intelligences, who share that love, then I reach out to them in co-operation and sympathy.

When a synchronistic event such as Andrea’s occurs, we must remember that very often only certain people or animals can see the disembodied beings. When my disembodied awareness visited my mother in London, as my body slept in Germany, my mother was not aware of my presence. It was my dog who witnessed my visit. This is in no way different to our everyday experience, and is quite understandable by anyone. When we stand before a friend and think certain thoughts, the friend, even a lover, is usually totally unaware of what we are thinking except if our expression gives us away, or we tell them. In other words, our thoughts and feelings, despite being of extreme reality to us, are usually not discernible by anyone else, except through the physical senses. If we therefore think of the dead, or beings of light, or of an out of body personality, as a focus of thoughts and feelings in the ocean of sentience, then it is understandable why we cannot see them. That is, we cannot see them with our eyes  or hear them with our ordinary ears. But this is no different from not being able to know the thoughts of the living. The dead have the same difficulty communicating with us, because they are beings of thought and feeling without a body. But if we listen to our intuition and unconscious impressions, we can ‘hear’ them.

There are more things in heaven and earth …

Time has been taken to explain this because I believe that if we are ill at ease with such things, we shut them out of our realm of possibility. That is a great diminishment of our opportunities. Who knows when we might need extraordinary healing, or wisdom, or help? It is akin to not believing in the telephone or taxis, and when we need to contact a friend or get somewhere quickly, we do not use the telephone or call a cab. As human beings we have the most amazing potential, as can be witnessed by some of the cases mentioned throughout these pages. We need not think of this potential in any particular form. But of course we might have a predisposition to think of it in ways such as beings of light, dead relatives, pure energy, the unconscious mind, or applied creativity. Your explanation only really matters to yourself. It does not alter the fact of the potential. But your explanation may either enhance you ability to reach out for more of the possibilities of your life, or it may be a means of shutting yourself off from them.

From the point of view of potential and energy, as well as disembodied intelligences, this next example of coincidence is interesting.

A man, Franklin, was lying ill in a hospital room.viivii Franklin is a false name given by the author. He was not taking any drugs to sedate his pain, so what happened was not drug induced. Franklin was a religious man, believed in life after death, and probably knew that he was dying. In fact he asked the nurse and others in the room to pray for him. There was a staircase in the room leading up to a second floor, and a drinking glass had been left on one of the steps. Suddenly Franklin looked at the stairs and cried out happily, ‘See, the angels are coming down the stairs. The glass has fallen and broken.’ Everyone in the room looked to the stairs where Franklin indicated. As they looked they saw the glass shatter in many pieces. It didn’t fall, but seemed to explode. But nobody else saw any angels. Almost immediately Franklin died with a happy and serene expression on his face. The expression remained long after his death.

The coincidental link between what Franklin said and the shattering of the glass is not unusual. Perhaps we call it a coincidence, or synchronistic, simply because we cannot define what the processes are that underlie it. Therefore it may seem strange, unusual, or even disturbing. Nevertheless, such events remind us that the factors of existence that lie outside of our understanding are often potently at work in a person’s life. They also point out that a coincidence is not limited to unplanned meetings, finding long lost objects, or events. They also occur in relationship between the living and the dead.

During the great period of psychic research, at the end of the nineteenth century and the beginning of the twentieth, thousands of such unusual ‘coincidences’ were recorded or researched. Despite extraordinary results in this area, our general culture still remains sceptical of human potential and relationship with the transcendent reality inherent in life. Talking about this scepticism Robert Kastenbaum, the author of many books about the social and personal aspects of death and dying, asks an intriguing question.viiiviii See: Is There Life After Death, by Robert Kastenbaum, published by Rider. Death Society and Human Experience, by Robert Kastenbaum. The question relates to the present scientific attitudes to do with proof of a phenomenon. Most of today’s research is done in the form of statistical analysis. So what Kastenbaum asks is: Is one good example enough?

Coincidence or What?

At the end of 1907, Frederic Thompson feared for his sanity. Eighteen months previously, Thompson, a goldsmith, was compulsively urged to sketch and paint. He said the subjects he painted were not even his own choice. He told Professor James H. Hyslop, head of the American Society for Psychical Research, that Robert Swain Gifford, a dead landscape artist was dominating him. Thompson had briefly met Gifford, but had never seen any of his work. Thompson went to an exhibition of Gifford’s work in New York, only to discover that the artist had died just before his own compulsions started. While at the gallery, to his distress, Thompson heard a voice say to him, ‘You see what I have done. Can you not take up and finish my work?’ After that Thompson would often lose consciousness, waking to find he had completed a painting. Although Thompson’s artistic gifts fell short of Gifford’s, his skill increased over the months. He actually sold several paintings, and people remarked on their similarity to Gifford’s work.

He gives the example of walking along the river Thames two centuries ago. A commotion attracts your attention and you discover that a man has been pulled out of the Thames, drowned, and according to the information accepted at the time, dead. He is not breathing, and there is no heartbeat. But because you are the member of a new society that trains you to be prepared for just such a situation, you use what will later become known as artificial respiration. To the amazement, and perhaps horror or terror, of the onlookers, you bring the man back to life. He sits up and speaks.

If, in later weeks, other such bodies are pulled from the Thames, and after using the same technique they are not brought back to life, what are we to assume? Does it mean that a drowned person cannot be brought back to life? Was the one case of resuscitation meaningless? Kastenbaum’s question is – is one good example enough?

Kastenbaum gives another example. A group of fifty people gather to test the reality of levitation, and all with a will try to lift off the ground, jumping and flapping, puffing and blowing, and all fail except for uncle Charlie, who floats free and easy near the ceiling. Does this mean that levitation is impossible, because if it were not lots more people would be able to do it. Or is one good example enough?

Because I don’t understand this, does that mean it doesn’t exist?

What usually happens, as might have happened in the early cases of resuscitation, is that where there is no understanding of what is involved, trickery or the paranormal is suspected. So, are the synchronistic events surrounding unusual personal links with the living and dead trickery? Are they to do with the paranormal? Or is it that we simply do not know how they work yet? Perhaps the words coincidence and synchronistic are cover-ups for lack of knowledge.

Some of the most spectacular coincidental events in the area of links between living and dead, occurred around the investigations surrounding Mrs Leonora Piper of Boston, USA. William James, the great Harvard professor and psychologist, discovered the talents of Mrs Piper, and encouraged her to demonstrate them to other investigators. One of these was Richard Hodgson, described as a suspicious and critical lawyer. Hodgson had spent time exposing the trickery and fraud of several well known psychics of the period. One of his most public cases was his exposure of Madame Blavatsky, at the time the central figure of the Theosophical Society. Dr. Hodgson was also the research officer for the American Society for Psychical Research. Therefore when William James asked Hodgson to carry on the investigation James had started, Hodgson approached the project with the zeal of someone who was certain Mrs Piper was a fraud.

Mrs Piper was what used to be called a medium, a person who relays messages from the dead to the living, and from the living to the dead. So Hodgson presented himself to her, and she calmly told him many facts about himself, his family back in Australia, even information about dead relatives. All the information was correct. Trying another tack, Hodgson sent several anonymous people to Mrs Piper, none of whom she had ever met before, to see how she would respond. She gave them definite names of deceased relatives, along with facts and events from their lives. Astonished, Hodgson hired detectives to watch Mrs Piper to see from where she got her information. After careful surveillance they reported that she didn’t get her information from anyone. But Hodgson did not give up. While trying other approaches, a personality spoke via Mrs Piper claiming to be George Pellew, a writer Hodgson had known prior to Pellew’s death at 32. And this is where some of the most astonishing ‘coincidences’ occurred.

Firstly, Pellew, speaking through Mrs Piper, gave an enormous amount of specific information about his own previous life, and about his relationship with Hodgson. The disembodied Pellew even identified 30 people he had known during his life. They were told dates of events, and names of people they knew in common. Over a hundred people Pellew had not known during his life were introduced to the disembodied Pellew as if they were people he had met. Every one was rejected. Only those who were positively known were accepted as real contacts. This consistent demonstration of an actual personality, with its own unique memories, won Hodgson over to accepting the reality of survival after physical death.

Speaking with the dead

If Mrs Piper had been throwing dice, instead of speaking from wherever in herself she gained the information, this would be like throwing double sixes a hundred and thirty consecutive times. That is a coincidence beyond even the spectacular.

For many people, it doesn’t take the wonderful talent of a Leonora Piper to assure them their friends and family survive death. A sense of connection assures them, and coincidental events inform them, of communication with departed loved ones. Sometimes this happens in a chilling way, and sometimes in a heart warming manner. Alex Tanous, for instance, in his book Beyond Coincidence, tells how his psychic impressions led to a bizarre coincidence of the chilling variety. While visiting his niece at a girls’ school in Leysin, Switzerland, Tanous was told that the school building had once been used as a hospital. The fourth floor of the building was now kept empty, and the girls said it was supposed to be haunted. Deciding to explore this, Tanous went to the fourth floor and opened to his intuitive impressions. He felt a chill descend on him as he began to relive what he felt were events from the past. He saw a very wealthy old woman being dragged, struggling, to the balcony, and thrown off. The murderer was a member of her own family who wanted the woman dead to inherit the great wealth. As the murder was made to look like a suicide, the murderer was never arrested.

Tanous explained his impressions to the girls at the school, and also to a group of American teachers to whom he later lectured at a college in Leysin. A person in the audience told Tanous that the author A. E. Ellis had written about just such a situation in his book The Rack. Tanous did not think there was anything to explore regarding this coincidence. But some time later, after a press interview in which he mentioned his own impressions and the book, someone sent him a copy of The Rack. It was only then that Tanous saw that Ellis had exactly described the incident Tanous had relived, including the oppinion that it had been wrongly called suicide. Yet stranger, the story was set in Switzerland and the hospital was at Leysin. Lastly, The Rack is non-fiction! It seems the murdered woman wanted her story known.

My nephew went on holiday to Minehead. While he was there his Grandma died. But to avoid spoiling his holiday we didn’t tell him of her death. While he was away, his mother received what appeared to be a message from him on her telephone answering machine. Strangely, it did not seem to be his voice, but the message was ‘I don’t know how I’m going to live without her. I am missing her already.’ this deeply upset his mother, and when she investigated how it had come about, she discovered he had purchased a new mobile phone, and while playing with it had dialled her number, and the message was a voice on the TV or radio.

A more heart warming incident involves the great Italian writer Dante. Boccaccio, a contemporary of Dante, and the author of his biography, tells how Dante’s great work, Paradiso, appeared unfinished at his death. The last thirteen cantos of the work could not be found despite searching for several months. Friends and disciples of Dante eventually induced two sons of Dante, Jacopo and Piero to complete the work themselves that it might be published. But before attempting this Jacopo had an impressive dream. In it his father, Dante, came to him, ‘clothed in the purest white, and his face resplendent with an extraordinary light; and he, Jacopo, asked him if he lived, and Dante had replied: ‘Yes, but in the true life, not our life.’ Then Jacopo asked him if he had completed his work, and if so, where were the missing cantos. ‘To this Dante seemed to answer: “Yes, I finished it,” and then took him, Jacopo, by the hand and led him into that chamber in which he, Dante, had been accustomed to sleep when he lived in this life. Touching one of the walls, he said: “What you have sought for so much is here;” and at these words both Dante and sleep fled from Jacopo at once.’

Though it was late into the night, Jacopo went to the friend and disciple of Dante, Pier Giardino, and together they set off to the house Dante had lived in prior to his death. They woke the present owner and after explaining their mission, were led to the bedchamber in which Dante had slept. There, behind a mat hanging on the wall, a small window was discovered. In this window space were the cantos, now moulding after eight months in the damp place. In this way the Divine Comedy was completed.

Although some reported communications between the living and dead appear trivial, when a powerful dream coincides with reality, as Jacopo’s dream did, they often include important information. Mr. Batchelder was a Harvard graduate, whose grandfather had made a will that Batchelder had the courage to tell him was unfair to the family. The old man was well known for his stubbornness and hard-headedness, so Batchelder thought his comments would go unheeded. Eventually the grandfather died, and the will that was thought unfair was read and put in the hands of the executors. Soon afterwards however, Batchelder heard the old man’s voice during the night. With firm emphasis he said, ‘You were right about that first will. I made another. Don’t rest till you find it!’

The voice was so loud it woke Batchelder, and as soon as was practical he went to his grandfather’s house and started searching. There were drawers full of notes, manuscripts – he was a writer and editor of a magazine – bills and piles of letters. Eventually, after a long search, he found the new will amongst a heap of other papers. It was more recent than the one being executed, and had been done by a lawyer other than the usual family attorney. It was completely legal, and corrected the unfairness complained about. Until he heard the strong voice of his grandfather, Batchelder maintains that he had never thought of looking for another will. That the given message turned out to be factual, seemed to Batchelder like a positive communication from his surviving grandfather.

Such positive communications enter our life like rays of hope. Don Bradley gave a title to his book that has a strong message about such coincidences. It is called Angels in a Harsh World. Even if we have the inclination to believe, in the present western view of life, with its high stress, and pressure to be part of the system, it may be difficult to accept the sort of interventions mentioned above. Despite the extraordinary coincidences that occur daily to people around the world, giving evidence of life’s interconnectedness, and the continuance of life after death, virtually all official statements, news readings, statesmen and women, talk from a stance of intellectual cynicism. They speak as if non of the thousands of hours of research and uncountable number of human experiences ever happened. Robert Kastenbaum skilfully sums up this attitude when he writes:

Belief in survival is the case in point. What is this belief but a mental toy? A plaything that magically granted every wish when in our youthful ambition we were greedy for all sweets and too headstrong to acknowledge limits? The vision of the ‘happy ever after’ was all pleasure and comfort rolled into one vast security blanket. – our invincible sword to cut down all adversity and disappointments… this belief – in survival – had its day in the childhood of the human race, a mental and cultural device intended to soften the actual experience of pain, loss and danger.

Do we need science to assure us we are alive?

When my son Léon was about seven, he went from the UK to America with his mother and sister, to visit an auntie living there. While there his grandfather died suddenly without warning. I did not pass the news of this on to my wife because I thought she would feel it necessary to cut her visit short. On the day his grandfather died, Léon, for what appeared to his mother to be no good reason, became suddenly depressed and cried for hours. His unhappiness, he said, was because everything was dying, even the sun.

As he goes on to say later in looking at this criticism, our present scientific theories have no way of explaining the facts of human experience, or of some aspects of research. Unfortunately, when prevailing theory cannot explain facts, facts are swept aside. Facts of experience are then explained as childish or wish fulfilling theories. But do we need a scientific theory to assure us of what our heart tells us? Do we need proof of what we feel when we come alive, or experience a sense of wonder at the sight of a child or nature? Do we need someone else to make us confident of what brings tears of joy to our eyes?

Whether fact or theory, this last wonderful incident is a fitting end to this chapter on coincidence as a link between people, living or dead.

During 1986, David Young and his family attacked an elementary school in Cokeville, Wyoming. They carried a mass of weapons and explosives into the school and held 156 children hostage, threatening to kill them. Later, Young exploded the bomb, thereby destroying the whole school. Yet none of the children were hurt. Many of the youngsters were able to tell people later, how this miracle of escape happened. They said people who were shining with a light from within them told them how to safely escape from the school. One of the young girls explained in detail what happened. ixix See: http://www.netstoreusa.com/tubooks/155/1555171443.shtml for more information about the bombing in Cokeville. When Angels Intervene To Save The Children; The Cokeville, Wyoming Bombing Incident. By: Wixom, Hartt. Published by CFI Cedar Fort. ISBN: 1555171443. Also reported in Closer to the Light by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

They [the shining people] were standing there above us. There was a mother and a father and a lady holding a tiny baby and a little girl with long hair. There was a family of people. The woman told us that a bomb was going off soon and to listen to our brother. She said to be sure we did what he told us. They were dressed in white, bright like light bulbs, but brighter around the face. The woman made me feel good. I knew she loved me.

The girl’s brother described it slightly differently:

‘I didn’t see anything. I just heard a voice tell me to find my little sisters and take them over by the window, and keep them there. They were playing with their friends, and they did not want to move. I took them to the window and helped them through.’

And lastly, a six year old said, ‘A lady told me that a bomb was going to go off soon. She said to go over by the window and hurry out.

Sometimes it takes extraordinary crisis to part the clouds that hide the wonder in which we live. At other times all it needs is a humble heart, or a quietness that comes from realising the futility of our own thoughts in their attempt to understand Life.

 

________________________

i The false name of Carol is added by the author.

ii Paraphrased from Closer to The Light, by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

iii See: Realms of the Human Unconscious, by Stanislav Grof. LSD Psychotherapy by W. V. Caldwell. Myself and I, by Constance Newland.

iv See: Realms of the Human Unconscious, by Stanislav Grof.

v Andrea is a false name given by the author.

vi Paraphrased from Closer to The Light, by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

vii Franklin is a false name given by the author.

viii See: Is There Life After Death, by Robert Kastenbaum, published by Rider. Death Society and Human Experience, by Robert Kastenbaum.

ix See: http://www.netstoreusa.com/tubooks/155/1555171443.shtml for more information about the bombing in Cokeville. When Angels Intervene To Save The Children; The Cokeville, Wyoming Bombing Incident. By: Wixom, Hartt. Published by CFI Cedar Fort. ISBN: 1555171443. Also reported in Closer to the Light by Melvin Morse M.D., with Paul Perry. Published by Ivy Books, USA. ISBN: 0-8041- 0832-3.

The Flesh and the Love

The air was still warm and the sidewalk reflecting the day’s heat as Daniel stood idly on Main Street in Ouray.  After several days of work he had now completed his contract and was experiencing the delicious lethargy of satisfaction.  He was leaning against his parked car, not wanting to go back to his hotel, and not knowing Ouray well enough to have in mind a place he could simply stand, enjoy the warmth, and watch the world go by.  Maybe it was his age that allowed him the pleasure of inactivity.

Behind him the mountains were still lit by sunlight, red and glorious.  In front of him, and providing his present entertainment, was Ouray’s large general store.  The land dropped away from the sidewalk, so it was lower than him, and he was watching people enter and leave the store and occasionally raising his eyes to the forest and mountains beyond.  As a photographer, people fascinated him.  He could almost read them like a book.  So for Daniel the men and women coming and going from the store were full of information about the life in Ouray.

But a woman coming out of the store carrying a full paper sack focused his attention more fully.  Her car was parked near his, and she came walking up the slope and along the sidewalk toward him.  Her eyes were not on him so he could unashamedly observe her.  Something about her awoke a response in him, and the seconds it took for her to reach her car were stretched into lengthy time as he was assailed by impressions of her.

She was very smartly dressed in a light grey jacket with a matching skirt reaching just below her knees.  Everything about her had the same clean neatness and signs of personal care as her clothes.  Her appearance was obviously important to her and equally obvious that she had money enough to easily take care of that need.  She was slightly heavy in build without being overweight.  But this was, Daniel thought, due to her age, that he guessed to be about 50, and it in no way diminished from her overall look of health, cleanness and attractiveness.

However, it was her face that pushed Daniel into an even greater felt connection with her.  She was a plain looking woman with light brown tidy hair and a full face having few signs of her age.  The connection was, however, in her expression.  Daniel knew it so well from his past, though it was difficult to pinpoint it in any one person.  His sixty years had enabled Daniel to be close to enough women who had begun and passed through the huge life change women meet, to know something of what was behind that expression.

He glanced quickly at the large car she was approaching.  Again he knew it wasn’t lack of money producing the empty sadness in her face; a sadness well disguised by her well kept appearance and good health.  He could see she was a woman who had led a full life, was probably successfully married and perhaps with adult children.  She looked financially successful and intelligent enough to have been in, and perhaps still holding a position of authority and responsibility.  All of that was in the clothes, the face, and the car.  But the sadness; well, there was the real story.  Daniel had tried to put words to it when he had seen it in the past.  But in this woman’s face it spoke to him more clearly than he had witnessed before.  It cried out for love; for the sort of love and passion that were the deepest secrets in a woman’s life.  Success in life is a great satisfaction, but beneath a woman’s personality lays the great mystery of womanhood itself.  And that mystery wants to know itself, wants to reveal itself and pour out; and Daniel sensed this woman had never tasted that mystery.

The woman had reached the car, and in trying to locate her keys the bag she was carrying tore and some of its contents fell to the ground.  As Daniel stepped forward to help her regain the vegetables and coffee that were spread on the sidewalk, he saw her face lose its control for a moment and the beginnings of tears shine in her eyes.

As he bent to help her their eyes met for the first time. An amazed shock flickered on her features then disappeared. She gasped involuntarily as if the shock were physical, for she could see in that instant that the stranger before her was looking deep into her and knew her feelings. Daniel heard her say, almost inaudibly, “Oh my God!”

As the spilt objects were replaced and they straightened she said more loudly, “Thank you. I better go!” But she paused, struggling with conflicting feelings that suggested both that she and this man were old friends, and also that he was a complete stranger. Then, after fumbling with her keys she opened the car door and again looked at Daniel. The open car door offered escape, and with a slightly regained composure she looked at Daniel searchingly and said, “What happened just then?”

Daniel shook his head slightly, at the same time responding by saying, “That’s difficult to describe in a few words.” 

She got in the car and closed the door, but opened the window. There were still the sign of tears in her eyes. Daniel had taken a card out of his pocket and handed it to her as she said again, “I’ve got to go.”

“I know this is strange” he said, “but I am here for just two more days, so if you want to talk about what happened I am staying at Cascade Falls Lodge. I would like it if you called. I think I’m fairly harmless.”

She shook her head.  It wasn’t indicating a no, more like, “I am lost.  I don’t know what this is about.” Then she smiled in a slightly vulnerable way, and without a word drove off.

Daniel had got in his car and sat for a while with the windows open.  He also was feeling that something strange and unusual had happened.  The immediate and deep contact he had felt with the woman was certainly not a frequent occurrence.  In all his sixty years he could only remember it having happened once or twice before.  One time in particular when he had been running a two day workshop, during a break, a young woman in the group had asked if she could talk with him.  It was a fairly informal group and they had sat a little way apart from the others, facing each other.  The woman wanted to ask a question about an aspect of what they were learning, but within less than a minute they were both trembling as if they were cold.  But it wasn’t cold Daniel was feeling.  It seemed like a force of attraction connecting him with this woman, and she was obviously experiencing the same thing.  She had looked at him, rather wide-eyed, and said, “What is happening?” It wasn’t a question he had a ready made answer for. He had never seen that woman again, though she forever remained in his memory.

This present meeting wasn’t the same, but Daniel could still feel a similar excitement and stimulation lurking behind the scenes of his awareness.  It had about it a similar unexpectedness and potency, so he felt an urgent hope the woman would call him.

All of the next day Daniel spent waiting impatiently, but no call came.  The degree of loss he felt made him aware of the level of contact he had made and the hopes he had unconsciously already built up in regard to this unexpected and short relationship.  So he went to bed that night trying to accept the inevitability of what he felt were ships passing with no further exchange.

The next day was Friday and he had to fly out back to the UK on Saturday.  He needed to drive back to Albuquerque and check in the hired car by Friday evening.  But he left it as late as he possibly could with no relief from his feeling of loss.  Then, with final acceptance he checked out of Cascade Falls Lodge, packed his precious photographic gear in the trunk of the car and drove the long miles back to Albuquerque along the old Navajo trail.

The two hundred mile drive was spectacular.  There was hardly any other traffic on the road and it gave him time to think about why the meeting with the woman had stirred such feelings in him.  His life had been full, eventful and varied.  He thought of himself as a slow starter, but he had married quite young and helped to raise a boy and a girl.  It had been a good marriage in that they had both got on with creating a home and producing two healthy and capable children.  Even so the marriage had fallen apart, and Daniel felt this was mostly due to his own restlessness.  It seemed to him he had always been in search of something, something that had led him into other relationships and other quests.  It set him wondering if, in looking at the woman, he was in some way looking at himself in a mirror.  Maybe they were both looking for something similar and they recognized it in each other for that moment.  But, it seemed to Daniel, that it had not been a strong enough motivation in the woman for her to carry through into further contact.

This left him wondering where he was unconsciously trying to go in his life.  What he had seen in the woman applied to himself.  He was economically sound, had a good place to live, loved the work he was doing, and he even had loving friends.  But what burned in him sometimes was that he lived alone and missed that close companionship, sharing and building a life together that real marriage gave. But as he pondered he realised it was even more than that. Two marriages had failed, and he had moved on to become a different person. He could give so much and receive so much more of himself now than in the past, and he wanted to know how much he could love and be loved.

He smiled to himself, and thought that getting old often made life more complicated.  It wasn’t that he hadn’t got wiser as he had aged.  There were things he had certainly learned, such as how to be independent and happy, and how to live alone without being eaten up by loneliness.  The complication was that he no longer grasped at any relationship to fill a void.  Sex wasn’t a huge drive in his life either; not any more.  The relationships he had entered into over the years had shown him that finding a real connection with a woman in a loving way, outside the dependencies brought about by loneliness and sexual need, was not an easy task.  Of course, such a woman was out there in the world somewhere amongst the uncountable millions.  The problem was, how did you get to meet her.  Sometimes it seemed to Daniel that such a meeting could only be a gift from the gods, and you needed to either pray for it, or kneel before the shrine of Hera, the goddess of love and marriage.

Back in the UK Daniel busied himself with preparing the photographs he had taken for the travel and tour company who had wanted new images for their brochures.  They were one of several companies he worked for, and as with the contract that took him to Ouray, his work often placed him in different parts of the world.

For several weeks he was home based and spent his time catching up on things that needed to be done and possible new projects to undertake in the future.  He had been toying with the idea of writing a feature about his photographic travels and some of the strange places they had taken him; but he wasn’t clear about what magazine to aim it at.

Toward the end of the third week, he was sitting in front of his computer idly writing notes about the possible feature and the places he had been and experiences met.  He had so many interesting memories and he closed his eyes and began to imaginatively live in some of them again.  But in his daydream he was led back again to Ouray inhabiting once more the moment of meeting the woman.  The daydream had a life of its own, and instead of the quick parting, Daniel found himself exploring a relationship with her.

Considering what had actually happened, the relationship that was spontaneously developing was very playful.  It was the sort of play that sometimes develops in a relationship as a way of testing each other and discovering who their partner really is.  Suddenly Daniel and the woman were chasing and challenging each other, running and bumping, testing not only their own strength but also their partner’s ability to meet them with a similar strength, goodwill and resources.  Then they were standing nose to nose, breathless, assessing what they had learned of each other, with pleasure at meeting another person they could be so free with.

Daniel had become immersed and almost lost in his reverie, and now as he came out of it was amazed at its strength and feeling of truth.  Irrational as it was, it seemed to Daniel that he and the woman had really met and begun to know each other. He smiled as he remembered some of what they did. At one point he had grasped things to distract her. But she had been wise to all his tricks and come back at him with a new strategy. In his fantasy she had been his match and as such they had connected powerfully.

As he sat wondering about this his computer pinged announcing the arrival of an email. He casually switched to see what it was, thinking it was work connected. For a few moments he stared at what he saw without understanding. He didn’t recognise the name, and it was headed, ‘Dancing with You’. The name was Susan Newland. His astonishment created an immediate quickening of his breath and aroused excitement.

When he opened the email there was a quote saying, “And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music – Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche.”

Daniel couldn’t understand what was happening to him. Something deep inside him, something that everyday life usually denied as real, was swelling and crying out its aliveness. It recognised itself in the words and that the email was not just words. It was a living messenger of something he longed for but usually failed to know – intimate connection of a kind that leaped over what are usually believe to be absolute barriers. This was extraordinary.

He read on.

“Daniel, do you remember me; the woman with the broken paper sack in Ouray?

Our meeting had a profound affect on me and it took me ages to find steady enough ground to dare writing to you. So I am happy that you gave me your card so it could happen.

That is all I want to say at this time, as I need to know if you want to communicate still and talk or write about what happened, as you originally suggested.

Hoping you reply – Susan.

 

 

Chapter Two

Susan drove home slightly dazed.  Something had been brewing in her for some time.  She had felt more vulnerable than usual.  In trying to understand what her feelings were about, it seemed to her that something was becoming more exposed, and whatever that thing was, it wasn’t yet used to the rough and tumble of everyday life.

At one point in her drive she had to stop at an intersection and she quickly glanced at the card she had dropped on the passenger seat. It gave the name Daniel Riga, photographer. She felt the name sounded slightly foreign, and thought about her impressions of Daniel’s face and build.  She considered that he was probably older than her, with a rather craggy well worn face, with no fat on it anywhere.  What she could gather through his clothes was that this probably applied to his body also.  But her biggest impression was his eyes.  She felt tears start again when she remembered that moment of him looking at her.

There it was again, that feeling.  She felt disturbed and unsettled by it, and as much as she would like to see this man Daniel again to find out why there had been that moment of intense connection, she felt it would be dangerous.  She didn’t feel the danger was in Daniel but in herself.  She wasn’t too clear why, but such feelings were indicators to be noticed.

When she reached home she sat for a while in the car looking at the card more fully.  Then she decisively put it in her purse and went indoors balancing her to torn paper sack.

Zack, her husband, and Justin her son, were already home.  Zack came out of the kitchen where he had been making himself a coffee, and helped her carry the produce.  Justin was on the telephone near the front door and waved to her as she passed.  Susan and Zack engaged in small talk for a while about their day, and Susan started preparing the meal for her two men, and Zack went into the television room to watch the news.

While she was preparing the shrimp, garlic and lemon dish she was going to serve on rice, Susan was reviewing her meeting with Daniel, and wondering why it had impacted on her so much.  She had also noticed that there was a distinct restraint in her about telling Zack what had happened.  Obviously this was something she wanted for herself alone, and that was the clue she was looking for in connection with her present feeling of being unsettled.

The clearer the situation became the more she realised how many serious issues were involved in it, and why it felt both dangerous and disturbing.  Daniel, she began to understand, was almost totally unknown to her.  Yet there was obviously something about him she had immediately, and perhaps intuitively, recognized as involved and connected with her emerging disquiet.

She wondered, if she had stayed and talked with him, what would she have said?  She imagined this as she was waiting for the rice to cook.  She had to have several trial runs at the conversation because the first few sentences were too trite and superficial.  They in no way reflected what she was feeling or the situation.  So she tried again until her imagination began to lead into what she could feel was the real ‘stuff’.

“This is strange,” she said.  “I feel you are touching or seeing something in me that I have barely dared to look at myself.  This is both intriguing and a bit frightening.”

She imagined Daniel responding at this point by saying, “Why is that?”

“Well, I guess it’s because it’s unknown.  What you don’t know about can be scary.”

Once more Daniel responds.  “I’ve often thought that the unknown scares us because there are things about it we actually know but aren’t admitting to ourselves.”

The rice was nearly ready.  Susan had to end this conversation.  “Okay!  If I’m honest it’s about things I really don’t want to recognise.  I’m married, and he’s a good man, solid, caring, and a provider.  He is also a good father, and I really love him.”

“But?” Asked the imagined Daniel.

“God Daniel this is hard.  But, okay, I have gradually come to feel there are things missing that I desperately want.  Exactly what they are I really don’t know yet.  Somehow though, I believe you represent them for me.”

Her imagined ghost of Daniel disappeared and Susan called Zack and Justin to come and eat. Justin was still on the telephone, and she went to make sure he had heard. He was now sitting on the floor leaning against the door, and he gave her a hand signal he had got the call, but carried on speaking. Susan wondered if she really understood what he was talking about.

“Sure…. It’s on YouTube…. Yes. It’s amazing… Search for Stellar. It’s the third one down….. Okay – got to go now. Talk later.”

Justin got up and she hugged him as they walked in to the dining area.  She loved him and a lot of what she did and planned to do revolved around him.  At seventeen he was as tall as his father, at just over six feet.  She could feel the strength of him as her arm was around him.  It gave her a good feeling; relaxed her somehow.

Days went by, then weeks, and her meeting with Daniel seemed to grow smaller as if receding toward a horizon where he might disappear.  She wondered if she were arriving at some sort of compromise.  It wasn’t that the feeling of lacking something had gone away, but an argument had gone inside her, and an insistent voice had insinuated that what she felt was normal for a woman of her age. It tried to convince her that she was getting older, and of course you just have to get on with that.

But something happened that suddenly drew back curtains to reveal a very new viewpoint on what she was feeling.  Zack had to go away in connection with his work, training he had to do to get promotion or just to keep up with what was happening in forestry.  In all he was going away for just over a week.  This had happened before, but this time coming back to the house with just herself and Justin, and going to bed alone, gave Susan an immense feeling of freedom.

At first she didn’t recognise what it was, but then a clear image of it arose.  Walls had fallen down that had blocked her view of a vast and interesting countryside.  She wondered if the people of East Berlin felt that when the wall went down.  Slowly the freedom clarified as resulting from a number of small but important features of her marriage and her present lifestyle.

Zack worked for the forestry.  It was outdoor work, quite physical in some ways, and Zack loved it.  In many ways it defined the way he was as a person; clean, hard working, straightforward and uncomplicated.  He hardly ever read or talked about all things other than his work, sport and local events, and he never explored ideas or opinions with Susan in long conversations.  Susan’s father had been as straightforward as Zack, but he had a very lively mind, he read widely, and loved discussing or talking about all manner of different things in the world.  Susan missed this in her husband.  But it wasn’t just the conversations, it was also the lack of desire to explore the world, to engage in different interests and people. There was something else too.

It wasn’t until the third day of Susan being alone the big impact happened.  She had enjoyed a languorous bath with candles and perfumed oils, and had gone to bed slightly early to read.  That in itself was a freedom, because she could choose exactly when to put the light out and settle down to sleep.  But something in what she read provoked feelings of sadness.  The sadness revealed to her that she no longer felt the delicious feeling of passionate love during sex with Zack.  But she could feel the desire for that.  It was a huge sensitivity and hunger in her belly and her throat.  The hunger grew and she felt it and immediately the image of Daniel came clearly to her imagination.

Perhaps it was simply that he represented a completely unknown, and so allowed free rein to her imagination.  But a deeply sensual, erotic and satisfying experience of kissing, touching and love making, followed.  Susan experienced the first orgasm she had known for a long time.  She smiled to herself afterwards, as it seemed to her that her body was rejoicing – almost singing.

 

 

List of Tony’s Poems

 

The Many Faces of Love Ain’t Your Love All American Girl Alone With Love Are You Satisfied? Birthday Gifts Black Power Blood Connection Cupboard Love Dimensions Of Love Finding Myself Ghosts of Love Going I Don’t Know I Had A Dream In Every Moment In The Night It’s For You Knowing You – Knowing Me Love Past and Love to Come Married Midnight Sun Moonglow Night Thoughts No Words Partings Peace Peace at the Touch Red Negligee Robin Sailing the Seas of Love Sea Woman Smoke in my Eyes That Place The Bride The Cuckoo The Echo The Elms The First Time The Kiss The Princess The Revelation Tumbling Unsaid Things Walking With Me Waters of Life Wondering Yesterday Young Girl Your Child – My Child Your Warmth Life’s Sunshine and Rain All-Oneness Also Ran Angels in My Room Another Kind of Beauty Book of Life Butterflies End Times Falling Away Freedom Gentleness God – I Ask God Is Hologram It Goes On and On Japan I Am With You Letter To A Son Level Long Journey Miracles My Christmas Neat Answers Nekko Puzzling Round Four Seasons Secret Garden of Your Face Ground Swell! I Had a Vision Small Small Lives That’s Life! The Ancient Shrine The Anthill The Chinaman The Dance The Dark Creature The Deep of the Night The Glory The High Pasture The Impossible Meanwhile  The Cake The Messiah The Monster

The New Wine The Possible The Runt The Snake The Trackless Way Wave On A Shoreless Sea The Way of Things This Day Waiting Watching Nature Groan Wayside Flower What Is Born This Christmas? Where My Stallion? Who Am I Whose Pussy Are You?   Speaking Places A Stand of Trees Enmeshed It Was A Quiet Day Kin Melbourne Bars Mexico Morning Planes Quietly Entering Lives The Cloud The Table The Tree The Way The Worker in the Vineyard Thursday in Australia Voice of the Jungle Wordless Hymn Memories of Today A Tiny Infant A Woman’s Love Bees Here I Am Skin to Skin   For Dakota with Poems from the Lodge  Ages of Love Ain’t That Lovin? Coming and Going Do You Know? In Awe Like Bells Love is a Tree Lovelier Than This? Sacred Tree Ancient Roots of Love Lovers Beyond Time Inside You Darklings Firelight Flying West On A Dusty Road Freeway Jungle Hunger I Am Yours Just a Stick Kama Ananda That Man The Plain Woman The Selkie This Infant Grave Tides Time Space and Love Loving Touch Loving You Love Is Moments Moon Woman My Dream My Woman No Wind Today Ocean Meeting On the Beach Remembering Sometimes The Eternal Wound The Rough Track The Wonderful Game Walking the Sacred Circle Walk Gently With My Heart Why Do I Love You? Wild Thing Wind to My Wings Woman Your Face

My Journey Air Raids – 1940′s Alone Are You Still There Beginning to Talk Beyond Bringing Home The Shopping Brushstrokes Chains of Fear Death Was The Loss Dwarf Earth Wind and River Flowing Smile Forty Years Golden Guns Ground Zero – The Psuedopod Heartland Home to Myself I Am Stop the Wind I Said to my Mother I Share Life Isn’t There Anything Else? Journey Inward Lost in Spaces Mean Bugger Nosy Neighbours and the Tree of Life Rabbit – Dear Rabbit Silent Music Submarines in the Cosmic Deep Supposing The Body Snatcher The Cottage The Code The Headache The Interior Castle The Jungle God The Licked Hand The Open Hand The Plate The Rock Beast The Cloud The Song The Tree The Vigil The Way The Word Thy Will is My Will What is a Woman – What is a Man Where Am I Wings You Are It People All New Babs Bend in the Road Bob Doors Erica Exhaustion Life and Death More Eyes Night Thoughts On the Death of my Mother’s Sister Cath. People Puddleworld Santhe The Ant The Plate The Torture of Words– The Twin Why? Wild Pear Beach Dream Landscapes A New Being Calling Me DreamHawk Egg of Juno Girl in the Wood Glory Shone Around In the Beginning I Wake Again – Kimberly Kimberly Calls You Lumpkin – and the Magic Pouch My Face Shone Perfume Landscapes Story of my Body Strange Bird Temple of the Animals The Swimmer The Horse That Loved Me This Dark Night Unexpected Light

Unsaid Things

Words that cannot

Here be said

I say to you.

The deeps of

What is left unsaid

I speak to you.

Without touching,

Far away as you are,

And out of hearing,

I reach to

And hold you

In all the wealth

Of love I have

Felt for you

Over the years,

          And over the

          Distances between us.